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10th Doctor/Eric Jason
Site Owner
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10th Doctor/Eric Jason

Join date : 2013-04-25
Age : 32
Posts : 2036
Location : The TARDIS

The Black Terror Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Black Terror   The Black Terror I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 13, 2014 10:44 am

Things you need to improve on:

1. How was he tested physically and mentally during his training with this "king"

2. Who is this "king"

3. Where is the planet he was born on? Was he born on Earth? If so during what time period?

4. How was this animal a father figure to the children?

5. How did he help train humans to guard? He's just an animal right?

6. There needs to be better description to his escape and these "creatures". When you say creatures do you mean biological creatures or technological? Need better detail

7. Who was the enemy that he fought against in the war? Why was the war started?

8. Where on Earth did he land? Who discovered him and took him into the zoo?

Details are very important here and your history just seems choppy. One sentence after another that contain huge idea's but hardly any details to support them. Sorry if i jump to conclusions, but this seems like an application for a Doctor Who and Chronicels of Narnia crossover where Aslan comes into our universe. Correct me if i am wrong. If this is the case then this will not be accepted, mainly because ligers do not have these powers that this creature has. You will have to submit an Alien Creation thread to get his species approved where you need to explain these powers he has.

Any questions/concerns just ask

~10th Doctor
Site Owner


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