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 Kira Krysta

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Is this application approved? (staff answer only please)
Yes
Kira Krysta I_vote_lcap0%Kira Krysta I_vote_rcap
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Probably
Kira Krysta I_vote_lcap0%Kira Krysta I_vote_rcap
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Maybe
Kira Krysta I_vote_lcap0%Kira Krysta I_vote_rcap
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Probably not
Kira Krysta I_vote_lcap0%Kira Krysta I_vote_rcap
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No
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Total Votes : 1
 

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Doctor Meta Z
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PostSubject: Re: Kira Krysta   Kira Krysta I_icon_minitimeTue Aug 19, 2014 8:35 pm

I'm not an admin or anything, but I'll comment. First, ok she's trained since she could walk or talk, though I feel the mention of her being 5 and knowing many assassin skills is too low an age to already sound mastered. Of course that could be the wording and truly isn't a problem in itself. The problem starts when she is 12; NO young teenage girl has that kind of strength. Even with exercising and constant training, I see this coming more from a boy, as boys can get husky. 15 and winning, eh...maybe. Depends on what style was used, such as swordplay or daggers. 15 and killing a bunch of monks who know all this knowledge of fighting? No. Not unless she managed to catch them ALL by surprise.

Another note, be careful of the abilities you accrue. I'm not clear on it, but it literally sounds like she can do everything: hacking, fighting, stealth, super strong, etc. Is there something she can't do? It's kind of vague here.

Another point. What time did she grow up in? She's an outer space assassin, can you elaborate a little on where she came from? Some monastery on an asteroid, another planet, what? It doesn't sound like she came from earth. (Though if she did, she wouldn't be out hunting contracts.)

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All things are possible. They might not happen, or might not happen the way we wanted them to happen, but they are possible. All possibilities depend on the choices we make...some close doors and some open them. And every once in a great while, we get a restart...a chance to change the past or the future. And even if we shouldn't, we get that chance to make the decision again. - Bad Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: Kira Krysta   Kira Krysta I_icon_minitimeTue Aug 19, 2014 9:13 pm

Ok so from her history, she isn't a bounty hunter YET. So there'd be no deleting herself from records yet, or attempted deletion. Of course since she was kidnapped, there probably won't be much mention of her until she starts making her way into the normal galaxy. And I might add, that's a lot of things to delete info from. Galactic transports, checkpoints, sign-in areas in starports...

Getting back to the history though. Where is this asteroid? Is it close to Earth? Is it far from Earth? What time does she come from? 2014? 2300? 5000? Is she from the future, or is she present time human somewhere else? (Like the Titanic seemed to have present day humans from another galaxy.) Here's another question, she's escaped, how is she getting off into the known galaxy? (I still want to know what part of the "known galaxy".)

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All things are possible. They might not happen, or might not happen the way we wanted them to happen, but they are possible. All possibilities depend on the choices we make...some close doors and some open them. And every once in a great while, we get a restart...a chance to change the past or the future. And even if we shouldn't, we get that chance to make the decision again. - Bad Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: Kira Krysta   Kira Krysta I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 20, 2014 3:40 am

I was wondering, were you going to take Rose Tyler or is this one replacing Luna?

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PostSubject: Re: Kira Krysta   Kira Krysta I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 20, 2014 9:25 am

You still have to complete the RP section of the CC app

So she is still stuck on the asteroid right?

She wouldn't be a bounty hunter yet until she has set herself up to be one throughout the universe. Having your history stop where it did, it looks like she is just starting.

Still no picture.

How were the monks harsh and yet kind?

What made them "harsh"

What made them "kind"

You have lots of idea's here but lack supporting details that would make this a solid CC. Besides fixing the things we have stated above, you could describe to us who the monastery looks, how it feels, the smell. The atmosphere of the place. Just close your eyes and imagine the scenes as if it were a movie..or television show. Then write down in detail what you see. For example a book author when he/she writes, they don't have those screens to show what they envision, instead they use words and details so that people can imagine what they are talking about correctly. Think of your favorite book, then write your characters history as if they were writing it if you could. Smile

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PostSubject: Re: Kira Krysta   Kira Krysta I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 20, 2014 9:28 am

As an example Luna, check out Emma's CC for Clara.

You can see it [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

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PostSubject: Re: Kira Krysta   Kira Krysta I_icon_minitimeThu Aug 21, 2014 6:27 pm

Luna, I thought this might help you.
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On there, you can make various different styles of avatars and such. Just play around with it a little while, try different avatar makers, until you find one you like. If you make one you like, all you have to do is screenprint, save it as an image, and then upload it on someplace like photobucker or flickr, and then you can use it on here just like any image.
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Romana II
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PostSubject: Re: Kira Krysta   Kira Krysta I_icon_minitimeFri Aug 22, 2014 6:03 pm

Under family, please just put that her mother and father are deceased.

Strengths: Ready for what? lol

I personally can't wrap my head around having a heart as black as night, but still having a soft side. It just doesn't make sense to me. Black hearted people don't care for anyone, and since she was trained to be an assassin, I assume that was also what she was taught. Why would a juice blacken her heart, but give her a soft side? It doesn't make sense. If I were you, I'd delete that part about the soft side. It just doesn't make sense.

Also, norepinephrine wouldn't affect whether or not her heart was black or not, and low levels of it would mess with her concentration. If her norepinephrine levels were increased it would explain her fast learning, because of her extreme concentration. If that's what you meant, just change 'reduced' to 'increased.'

12 year olds can't kill men with their bare hands. I don't care how much training they've had, it's just not possible. 15 is more likely.

Speaking of 15, Meta brought up something that you ignored: "15 and killing a bunch of monks who know all this knowledge of fighting? No. Not unless she managed to catch them ALL by surprise."
These were the monks that taught her. Hey have more knowledge than her and they have had far more years of experience than her. There is no way. Couldn't she just leave in an angry fit screaming about how she hates them all? That's a very emotionally-damaged-teenager thing to do.

Emma provided you an avatar making site you could use to make a picture for her. You should use it.

Do these things and you're approved.

EDIT: You still haven't answered a question for us. This is replacing Luna, yes, but does that mean you are giving up applying for Rose? Or are you still going to work on the app for her to use as your secondary?

Also, you need a 40 posts IN CHARACTER to have a second character. We need to know you'll stick around and ROLEPLAY, not just chat. When you reach 40 in character roleplay posts, you will be able to have a second character.
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PostSubject: Re: Kira Krysta   Kira Krysta I_icon_minitimeFri Aug 22, 2014 10:08 pm

I will let Romana be the judge on this applications approval since she offered new things to be covered.

In the mean time, i ask that you do not change your name to this character when it has not been approved by any site official. (ex: an Admin, Site Owner or Moderator). Once it is approved then you can change your name, not before hand. Thank you

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PostSubject: Re: Kira Krysta   Kira Krysta I_icon_minitimeFri Aug 22, 2014 10:35 pm

Alright, you're approved.
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PostSubject: Re: Kira Krysta   Kira Krysta I_icon_minitimeSat Aug 23, 2014 6:30 am

Wait…this one has been approved, making it your first character, not your second. So for now, you've only got Kira. <---In response to your previous comment about Rose being your first and Kira your second.

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PostSubject: Re: Kira Krysta   Kira Krysta I_icon_minitimeSat Aug 23, 2014 3:26 pm

You've got your first character right now. When you make your second character, that's your second character. It goes in sequential order.

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PostSubject: Re: Kira Krysta   Kira Krysta I_icon_minitimeSat Aug 23, 2014 3:40 pm

THIS character is your first character, you are allowed to have TWO characters in total, okay? Rose, if you make her, will be your SECOND character.

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