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Night Pyre
Student
Student
Night Pyre

Join date : 2014-12-16
Posts : 205
Location : The Starship Enterprise

The Night "Mysterious" Edited. Empty
PostSubject: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 22, 2014 1:59 am

Night


Species: Lostrangian

Age: 455

Female

Homeless



Hair: Long Dark Black.

Eyes: Black

Height: 5 Feet. 6 Inches

Figure: Slender, freckly.

Other: Has a scar crossing the left eye. It still hurts. Crystelletes
Crystal like amulets all over her body. They are removable, and they have mini vortex manipulators inside, and have a small weapon of choice inside of the largest one, Night's being her scythe. There are 3 on Night, she has one on the back of each hand, and one on her chest. They act also a a snazzy storage device holding up to 3 items in each using shrinking technology. How did Night get them? Before the big war, her species thrived and made leaps in scientific education. They manage to make these by using both Vortex manipulators and shrinking tech. The look like white quartz.
Night carries them around almost everywhere. They malfunction alot, ALOT!



Clothing: Black cloak, or really uncomfortable shiny black tight clothing, like cat woman would wear.


Family: Not that she knows, but yes, scattered through the universe, such as Mira

Personality: Night is, different. She has mental issues that make her feelings fluctuate, withing a milisecond, but usually she is annoyed, quiet and really REALLY mad. If she gets happy, she'll go from that, to super hyper and happy.

Strengths: Science, Strength, Learning things Fast.

Weakness: Strong Emotion, Death, Memory, Insults, Daleks, and Love. Night can never fall in love, or she will die.

Likes: Sweets, Games, Action, Paradoxes.

Dislikes: Myths, Ego, Irony and absolutely HATES, herself.

Dream: The Idea that someday she can get her memory back.

History: She doesn't remember much, but she feels pain when she tries to think back.

Discovery?: I typed in "doctor who rps" in yahoo.


Last edited by DemonDuckling/NightPyre on Sat Feb 07, 2015 12:05 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Night Pyre
Student
Student
Night Pyre

Join date : 2014-12-16
Posts : 205
Location : The Starship Enterprise

The Night "Mysterious" Edited. Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 22, 2014 2:00 am

...


Last edited by DemonDuckling/NightPyre on Sat Feb 07, 2015 7:52 am; edited 1 time in total
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Brax
Administrator
Administrator
Brax

Join date : 2013-11-15
Age : 20
Posts : 884
Location : Traveling the universe.

The Night "Mysterious" Edited. Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 22, 2014 6:42 am

Hi, Richard here, i'm going to be reviewing your app.

First off, the history. It's severely lacking. It's not really enough for someone who is 455 years old to have barely any history, we need to be the ones in the 'know' about your character. The RP sample is...a good start but isn't the way we RP on Dr Who Rp, the vasta nerada are practically invisible and that by controlling the Doctor, it's known as 'god-modding' which isn't really allowed, you may want to add in action, we do require at least a good paragraph of 5-6 sentences.

I hope it helps Smile

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"Look forwards into life, not backwards...otherwise you may find your face planted into the back of a lamp-post." -Flannagan
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Night Pyre
Student
Student
Night Pyre

Join date : 2014-12-16
Posts : 205
Location : The Starship Enterprise

The Night "Mysterious" Edited. Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 22, 2014 10:33 am


Night: *Looks around carefully at the source of light*

She grimaces at the skeletons on the floor.
Night looks at the sky thoughtfully, and her eyes spark with idea. "This is stupid AND crazy!" *Shakes head* "Let's do it!" *Puts on sunglasses of swag* *Pulls out Chicken wing* *Throws it in* "Hm." *Meat disappears* "Yup." *Takes Flashlight out* "Crap. It's out of battery. This is absolutely great." She slams her head Against the store's brick wall* "Get over it. Get over it." She rips the raincoat into strips. She then ties the Raincoat to rubber duck. "Time to fight SHADOW with FIRE!" *Twirls around a few times* *Sets Rubber Duck on Fire using match* *Spins Fire Raincoat String* I am TARZAN! Well then. *Dangles Fire String down on the ground* That clears a path of light for me. *Shadows start to move in* "Crap. Just Fracking Crap". *Picks up String and starts to run* *Trips* *Shadows start to crawl in* "STAY BACK! STAY BACK I TELL YOU!" *Starts throwing flashlight batteries at Vashta Nerada*
*Prances across the street and collapses on the ground, sweaty and panting* *Ties the fire duck string to the lamppost and falls to the ground*

*Hi. I'm Night!*

THE END.
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Night Pyre
Student
Student
Night Pyre

Join date : 2014-12-16
Posts : 205
Location : The Starship Enterprise

The Night "Mysterious" Edited. Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 22, 2014 10:39 am

History: Her family was murdered by a creature of most horror. She flew away into space to search for a new family. She was taken into a space ship and was dissected. Then, they erased her memory and tried to kill her, but she subconsciously fought back. She was taken to the torture chamber and the pain caused he memory to fail. She fell down on earth. She woke up in London modern, but she somehow traveled to different times every month. She had no recognition of any of this. Most think she is a simple beggar, but she is much more than that.
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Brax
Administrator
Administrator
Brax

Join date : 2013-11-15
Age : 20
Posts : 884
Location : Traveling the universe.

The Night "Mysterious" Edited. Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 22, 2014 11:40 am

The history is looking a lot better than it had been but let me give you a sample of an RP post, this one is an old one of mine Smile I mean, I hope this doesn't deter you, it's just that we don't often use * to represent action, rather we like to type it all out, hope it make sense?

Braxien hugged the brick wall, his back aching. That was going to wait a while before he even considered time traveling again, that was just too harsh a journey. He should have gotten use to it, but the device seemed to have its own mind about what it liked to do with the user.

"Alright," Braxien said, pulling out a machine. "What do you do…?"

It bleeped quietly, getting louder with each progressive bleep. Braxien shook the machine, hoping it would turn off, but it didn't. He stuffed it back into his pocket before adjusting his collar and walking into the sunlight. A sea of blank faces approached him, whacking into him without a single 'sorry' or 'excuse me.' He tracked one of them around the block, waving his hand frantically in front of their face.

No reaction, whatsoever.

"This ain't funny…nor a coincidence. They are going around in a loop, over and over again…"



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"Look forwards into life, not backwards...otherwise you may find your face planted into the back of a lamp-post." -Flannagan
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Night Pyre
Student
Student
Night Pyre

Join date : 2014-12-16
Posts : 205
Location : The Starship Enterprise

The Night "Mysterious" Edited. Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 22, 2014 2:22 pm

Oh, I see!


Night: *Looks around carefully at the source of light*

She grimaces at the skeletons on the floor.
Night looks at the sky thoughtfully, and her eyes spark with idea. "This is stupid AND crazy!" She shakes her head in disagreement. "Let's do it!" Night puts on her shades and pulls out an old chicken wing from her pocket. After she threw it in the Vashta Nerada, "Hm." the meat disappeared. "Yup." A little chary of Vashta Nerada's power, she takes her flashlight out. It flickers, and goes out. "Crap. It's out of battery. This is absolutely great." She slams her head Against the store's brick wall. "Get over it. Get over it." She rips the raincoat into strips. She then ties the Raincoat to rubber duck. "Time to fight SHADOW with FIRE!" In excitement, Night twirls around a few times and sets the rubber duck on fire using a match. Dhe twirls it around her finger, the rubber ducky being eaten by flams, and the heat and light emminating I am TARZAN! Well then. She dangles the fire string down on the ground. That clears a path of light for me. *Shadows start to move in* "Crap. Just Fracking Crap". Next, she picks up string and starts to run but trips. Vershta starts to come in. "STAY BACK! STAY BACK I TELL YOU!" She starts panicking and throws flashlight batteries at Vashta Nerada.
Night prances across the street and collapses on the ground, sweaty and panting. She then ties the fire duck string to the lamppost and falls on her knees.

Hi. I'm Night!
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Brax
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Administrator
Brax

Join date : 2013-11-15
Age : 20
Posts : 884
Location : Traveling the universe.

The Night "Mysterious" Edited. Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitimeTue Dec 23, 2014 10:50 am

Its definitely much better :)But at the same time, I can tell that you have simply copied and pasted the text, removing some of the asterisks.

You don't need the : Night: *Looks around carefully at the source of light* bit. Try describe how she does it and it often helps to separate large blocks of text.

Maybe try and add description, take the example above:

Please don't simply copy and paste this in Smile
Looking carefully at the source of light, Night observed it flickering. She had been told that the shadows could eat her up in milliseconds if she stepped foot into the darkness without the light source. Night looks thoughtfully at the night sky above her, mind whirring away at a way to overcome the creature...

Something similar to this, mainly because it allows for the other player to have something to carry on a story with your character, I know this is a hassle but it's improving ^.^

-Richard

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Night Pyre
Student
Student
Night Pyre

Join date : 2014-12-16
Posts : 205
Location : The Starship Enterprise

The Night "Mysterious" Edited. Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitimeTue Dec 23, 2014 3:59 pm

Night inferred that the light would go out in less than twenty minutes. The dim light made due for the time being. She cursed at the moment, but she couldn't spend much time thinking about her miserable situation. She has seen her friend get eaten and ripped apart by something called "Vashda Nerada". She looks at the sky with a disgusted grimace upon her lovely face. The bones around her made her feel nervous, but she pressed on. Not knowing what to do, the confused young lady quickly took out her backpack. A carrot, a raincoat, a rubber duck and a pack of matches is all she had. She also had acquired the Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver. Knowing that both their lives were in danger, she paced to and fro in the minuscule light she had. She took out the raincoat. It was made out of a flimsy material. She picked at it, and the thread came out. "This could be useful...” Night thought aloud. Her tail twitched, and her fuzzy ears tilted down as she came to a pessimistic outcome that this is a complete disaster. She took out a chicken wing from her pocket. Night had acquired the chicken wing at a restaurant last week. She was about to take a bite, for she was nearly starved. Her ribs shone out of her black blouse. When she was about to eat the chicken, the smelled the foul odor of the meat and removed it from her face. She held the chicken by the bone and waved it around the possible Vashta Nerada. She stared without pause at the chicken wing. The meat disappeared as she waved it on the far right. Night gasped with joy. She was one step closer to getting to the other side of the street. Night sat down under the store light and slammed her head against the brick wall. "Ow!” She propped the backpack on her lap and once again took inventory. She still had the chicken bone, which unfortunately smelled fouler than the chicken itself. Night held the bone as far away as possible from her face. She set it down, and looked at the Doctor across the street. He looked pathetically helpless in her point of view. His light was flickering much more than before. Night took out the matches from her backpack, and held one in her hand. Her tail waved about, to and fro. Her ears were down, and Night felt calm. She fiddled with the match in her hand trying to think of a way out of here. "Maybe, the Doctor will let me travel in the mysterious blue box with him!” Night had seen the TARDIS from afar, but never up close. She took out the flashlight and tried to turn it on, but she cursed at the starless, moonless sky. Night threw the flashlight in anger across the street, almost clocking the Doctor. Luckily, she missed. "Sorry!" She screams. Night then realized the Doctor has no idea who she was, and she just threw something at him. Looking at her current inventory, her eyes lit up with inspiration. She picked up the horrid smelling chicken bone and stuck it threw the rubber duck. She then tied a piece of the ripped raincoat to the bone. The lit a match, and held it in her hands. It was warm. The wind picked up, and Night's hair flowed with the direction of the breeze.
She picked up the bone, and lit it with a match. She tied the other end of the rain coat to her wrist. The light emanating from the makeshift candle was vast, and it made her a wide path. She picked up the carrot, and walked along the street. With the Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver tucked safely in her pocket, she walked in the deserted street. Dead bodies lined the sidewalks. The cars were turned over, and Night could see the burnt remains of a building. Horrified, she walked a bit faster. The walk across the street seemed to take forever. The light by the store flickered off, and was covered in darkness. Her tail wrapped around her body, and Night's ears fell flat with her head. She was almost there. As soon as she stepped on the sidewalk with the Doctor, she gave out a sigh of relief, gave the doctor the candle and took a bite of the carrot. "Hi! You don't know me, but my name is Night." "By the way, you're welcome!" she finished the carrot and patted her stomach. She lay down on the floor by the lamppost and fell quietly asleep, dreaming of the adventures she could have in the blue box. He tail wrapped around her body, and she curled in a ball. He ears sharp as a tack, fell limp, and he tail lost its energy. A bit of drool trailed out of her mouth as she slept on the ground.
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Brax
Administrator
Administrator
Brax

Join date : 2013-11-15
Age : 20
Posts : 884
Location : Traveling the universe.

The Night "Mysterious" Edited. Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitimeWed Dec 24, 2014 4:52 am

Welcome to the site Night! ^.^

Approved!

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Night Pyre
Student
Student
Night Pyre

Join date : 2014-12-16
Posts : 205
Location : The Starship Enterprise

The Night "Mysterious" Edited. Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitimeWed Dec 24, 2014 10:32 am

Thank you!!!!!!!! Yay!
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Night Pyre
Student
Student
Night Pyre

Join date : 2014-12-16
Posts : 205
Location : The Starship Enterprise

The Night "Mysterious" Edited. Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitimeSat Feb 07, 2015 8:31 am

(Edited, look at first post)
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PostSubject: Re: The Night "Mysterious" Edited.   The Night "Mysterious" Edited. I_icon_minitime

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