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 Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light

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Sayo/9Th Doctor
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PostSubject: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeWed Sep 11, 2013 8:30 pm

[Closed to Mal and the 9th Doctor]

With a familiar grinding noise, the TARDIS landed with a slight shake then fell still. The Doctor stood next to the console, his hand opening and closing alternatively on the handhold next to him, blue eyes locked on the door across from him, deep in thought as he debated on if he should step through it to whatever was waiting outside. He honestly didn't know where he landed, only that Mal was somewhere out there. With a low sigh, he cast a look over his shoulder towards the hallway where he knew Robin slept peacefully in one of the rooms. The TARDIS keeping him updated on her status. Nothing more to keep him procrastinating, the Doctor slowly walked forward, each footstep weighing him down until his hand touched the handle in front of him.

Suddenly, he felt as if he were frozen in time. His heartbeats thundering in his head, the soft hums of the TARDIS suddenly sounding magnified. Each breath he took sounded like a storm wind in his ears. What was he doing? Why was he here? It was obvious she didn't want to see anyone with how she kept herself hidden away. It had taken him a couple of months to track her down in fact. He should leave, just go back to the controls and leave. Find something else to take his mind off of things. No... She already saw the TARDIS by now, he couldn't just leave. With a deep breath, he pushed the door open and stepped out, pushing the door shut behind him and leaning against it. Simply studying the image before him.

Mal sat at a small, round table, chin cupped in her hands even as the Doctor watched, her eyes remained locked on something only she could see in front of her. Hair a mess, clothes hanging off of her frame and deep shadows under her eyes from stress or lack of sleep. Despite all of the flaws he spotted, she still looked to be the same Mal he knew not so long ago. Still had that sharpness in her eyes that contrasted with her innocent face. Still had that small squint between them whenever she thought of something hard. Glancing around the dark room, he frowned slightly at the concrete walls closing them in. Basement, he finally realized quietly before turning his blue gaze to her once more and cleared his throat. "Hello, Mal."

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeWed Sep 11, 2013 8:55 pm

Movement was slow, surreal, programmed, and doing that, doing just that felt so fluid and easy yet rusted and in need of oil. How could that be possible? How could that contrast exist? Mal shifted her body a small degree in the Doctor's direction, relying on her eyes to move the rest of the way. She suppose the TARDIS's arrival had been noticed yet the petite girl's brain hardly functioned in making a connection. The images, the sounds, the smells, the feelings kept firing at her, forcing her to question everything that went on around her. Yet surprise registered somewhere in her brain at the sight of him. He was standing in the very room she was in. Hadn't she left him? Hadn't she found a suitable hiding location? Obviously not since he found her. A different version of him had promised he'd always find her no matter where she ran off to and yet it was a Doctor that wasn't hers who always managed to be there. Always managed to wriggle his way in her life. And, in a way, Mal didn't mind.

Just to contradict her previous thought, Mal suddenly stood up in her stupor, the chair screeching on the ground as it was forced back. Doctor.. She lipped the word, unable to push the proper amount of air through her throat to operate her vocal cords. Blankly standing there for a heavy moment, Mal snapped to life, "Doctor." Better. That was better and audible.

In a self-conscious manner she began to pat at her clothes and comb through the rat nest of her hair only to get her fingers tangled. She gave up her feat of trying to appear better and just stood rigidly. "How did you find me? Why are you here?" The questions were concerned for her own sake, desperate in her state of shock and fear. But something drew her away from thoughts of herself, touching her shoulder and guiding her along another path. Taking in his posture she realized something wasn't quite right. It wasn't with her or her situation, but with him. The Doctor. Something wasn't quite right about the Doctor.

"Why are you here?" She asked again but in a gentler tone that displayed great passion for her old friend and concern for his presence. Mal didn't think the Doctor would just show up like this, something was on his mind and he thought she could help. How could a rotten stud support the mechanism as a whole? Helpfulness was never a strength of hers but the newly aroused sense of protectiveness was stirring up the need to try. He had helped her and this would be a way to repay her debt to him as well as serve a man who gave until he had nothing.

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeWed Sep 11, 2013 9:01 pm

Taking a slow breath, the Doctor glanced around the area again, studying the details for a moment, nodding at one thing or another before looking back over at her, the slight smile on his face becoming harder and harder to keep plastered there until he finally just let it drop away, revealing the pained expression he always hid behind the smile, his shield that kept the outside world from seeing what happened inside his mind on a daily basis. Stepping forward, he slowly made his way over to the table and pulled one of the chairs out. Sitting into it heavily, he leaned forward and simply buried his face in his hands, unwilling to say anything at the moment, the words crowding his mind as they all fought to be voiced to this simple human woman.

Staring at the dirty concrete that was the floor between his boots, his eyes picked up the smallest cracks and flecks of dirt on it, counting how many bits of loose rock littered the small space before finally drawing his head up with a little difficulty. The anger, sadness and full-out hate for himself weighing him down, making it hard to move, breathe or talk as he simply looked up at Mal, studying her face in silence.

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeWed Sep 11, 2013 9:10 pm

The level of intensity of the situation made itself known by the Doctor's actions. It was so uncharacteristic, so painful to watch it forced Mal's face into a grimace. She always knew that damn smile was a veil of his true emotions, but seeing it slip away and shatter to the ground was a completely separate situation she hoped she never had to bare witness to again. The way he heavily sank himself into the chair stabbed a knife through her heart. Unknowing to what she could do, Mal stood there staring. The silent moment dragged on and on until, somehow, the Doctor dragged his eyes up to look at her.

The deep, dark, haunted look that resided within those stormy irises caused her instincts to take over. Mal's brain was rubbish, but her body knew what to do. Snatching the chair behind her, Mal dragged it along until it sat next to his. She sat in it and reached out for his hand, firmly taking one of his in both of hers as she leaned closer to the table but examined his face with tired eyes. There was nothing she could say to him that would make it go away and she wasn't about to force him to talk. What he needed was a moment to collect himself and, given enough time, he would either talk to her or leave as quietly as he came.

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeWed Sep 11, 2013 9:19 pm

Dropping his eyes down to the hand now clutched in Mal's, the Doctor's face twitched slightly, unsure of if it should smile like normal, or frown in confusion at the contact before settling back down to it's previous, pained expression. "Robin... Robin's in the TARDIS." He finally said quietly, another slash of pain cutting through his hearts as he uttered those words, causing him to wince slightly from the sudden emotion. Guilt, always guilt for the things he couldn't control. Looking up from her hand, he gripped it tightly, realizing this simple Human woman was his rope, his lifeline keeping him firmly planted with his feet on the ground though the storm of emotions threatened to rip him away from this reality.

"She... She ran into Sonya." He finally added, explaining farther exactly why he was feeling this way about the younger girl, his head tilting slightly back towards his blue box as he spoke. "Tortured, branded then collared like... Like an animal. How. How could she do that to her, Mal? Why... Why couldn't I do anything. I wasn't there, I was meant to be there, I swore I'd do anything to protect these people!" He suddenly burst out with anger, his blue eyes flaring up in fury as he glared at the table in front of them, not wishing to direct his anger at the woman beside him. "She needed me and I wasn't there. It's my fault, how could I just.. I... I can't. I can't do this. She was in need, she had to have someone save her and I was too late. Always too late to stop something like this from happening. Always a few days late, always just a few seconds short of when I needed to be there. Never on time, me, never was."

He suddenly laughed dryly, no humor coloring his voice as he tilted his head back and passed his free hand over his eyes, staring blankly at the ceiling above him, still unable to look at Mal as he clutched her hand tightly. "Imagine, a Time Lord that can't show up when he should. Constantly a few hours off, a year off on some occasions." He added, slumping forward and hiding his face in his hand again, his shoulders shaking suddenly with unshed tears. Tears that would never come, not in this form. They just wouldn't always plaguing him with the promise of finally falling, but never would. Blasted things, yet he needed it, he needed to cry. Sat alone in his room daily, trying to force the smallest tear out only to end up causing more anger in himself than relieving it.

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeWed Sep 11, 2013 9:45 pm

Mal was frowning at the mention of Robin. The young girl was with him? And he was so distraught. Oh hell, what happened? Something to do with Sonya. Of course. Mal thought of the day Robin went with the crazed Time Lady. Of course the brown haired girl hadn't a clue what had transpired but it wasn't anything good if the fact the redhead had tried to kick Mal's arse was anything to go by.

The Doctor's grip on her hand was painful but she didn't complain or try to pull away. Mal allowed it and even invited the pain to keep her, in her own way, grounded. This wasn't just an image, this was real. It was happening. The pain was different, ached with reality. It also allowed her to focus on just how much pain he was in. How he had come to her in trust and rawness to her. To her.

It took great effort for Mal not to gasp or make an appalled expression of shock to the information Robin had been treated like a slave. What exactly had happened to Sonya to make her do such a thing to a friend? To anyone, really? What had possible possessed that woman into doing something so heartless, cruel, twisted? To a little girl no less! It was absolutely disgusting and repulsive but Mal pushed that aside as she listened to the Doctor verbal beatings on himself.

Why couldn't she just tell him to shush and stop? He'd done so much for people that Mal didn't see why he'd talk to harshly about himself. It wasn't his fault, it was Sonya's. No one could have relied on him to be the hero all the time. It wasn't fair and it was unrealistic.

His laugh made her wince. The sound wasn't pleasant at all and she took in a large breath, releasing it heavily. She kept her one hand grasped in his and used her other to wrap it around his shoulders, resting her head against him and shutting her eyes tightly.

"Doctor, this isn't your fault. I can't sit here and let you blame yourself like I have for years. I'm sorry for letting you keep thinking this. The only people to blame are those doing the wrong. You were not wrong at all, do you hear me? I-it's not always up to you to stop every bad thing from happening. " With a pause she whispered the next words hoarsely, drawing them up from her own brooding from earlier, "The point of helping someone isn't to prevent the situation it's to be there when they're struggling with the terms they have to accept."

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeWed Sep 11, 2013 9:52 pm

"I'm hardly around after the aftermath." The Doctor muttered under his breath, focusing his blue eyes on the wall across from them, his hand suddenly going slack as an image appeared in his head. Burning buildings, screaming voices all of them calling for help and he only turned his back. Closed them off so no one could hear or see them again. "I never stay for what comes next. I do what needs done, then move on. Even then I'm late, too late to realize, too late to care, too late in everything." He said sharply, brushing off her attempt at calming him down as he shifted in the seat slightly, his shoulder rubbing against her head as he shrugged them slightly. The slight embrace a bit too much at the time. He didn't deserve this, any of this for all he had one. He deserved to be yelled at to be blamed for everything that had gone wrong.

"I've caused so much pain, more than anyone I've met. My home, gone, my fault. Earth terrorized by aliens... My fault a large amount of the time as well, searching for me, knowing I stuck around your little planet for whatever reason there is. I don't even know anymore." His hand clamped down on hers tightly again as he turned his head sharply to stare into Mal's eyes, his wide and wild at the barely contained emotions he held in his body. Anger trying to seep through as he struggled against it. "I'm to blame for all of this, genocide. I've caused it on several occasions, do you know that? No, you wouldn't. You can't even understand half of what I'm telling you now." He said as an afterthought, turning away from her again as a sudden wall slammed down over his eyes again, forcing back the raw anger trying to claw it's way up his throat. "No, no you wouldn't understand one bit."

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 5:04 pm

When the Doctor moved his shoulders Mal moved her head. Her arm retreated to just rest between his shoulder blades. Poor man. The things he must have dealt with and seen in his excruciatingly long life and yet Mal never once thought about all the hell he had experienced throughout it all. But this meeting made it apparent she didn't even know the half of it. She was almost afraid to poke at it in fear of what she might discover about him. Not necessarily the things he's done but the things that plague his mind. If her friends hurt, Mal hurts, and she wasn't sure she was stable enough to feel any more than she already was. Yet she didn't pull away, she didn't stop him and tell him to get out while Mal still had some resemblance of sanity for the day. She listened and returned her second hand to his when the Doctor's grip became near bone crushing.

"Oh, Doc. Then explain it, just say it. It'll make you feel better to let it out. Even if it's in the form of anger. Just let it go." Mal sighed heavily and wanted to rub his back or do something besides just sit here and hold his hand but didn't exactly feel he would appreciate it.

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 5:11 pm

A bitter laugh broke from the Doctor as he rocked forward on the chair, a hand reaching up to grip at the side of his head, eyes screwed up with the effort of keeping the pain and anger at bay as he tried to speak. "How could you possibly know how it feels to destroy everything you knew and loved in order to save a pathetic race that wouldn't even know in order to thank you for it?" He asked sharply, his eyes turning to stare at Mal out of the corner of his eyes, dark clouds seeming to swirl around them with the emotions that shone clearly. "You couldn't possibly imagine the screams, the pleas... The fire." His gaze dropped down to his hands, a frown appearing on his face as he rubbed his free one on the knee of his jeans. "Blood on my hands, no matter where I go. My fault, me, usually better than this."

Continuing to scrub his palm on his jeans, he looked over at Mal again, suddenly falling into a dark silence. His face twitching with emotions the muscles weren't used to expressing there. Where was his smile? Where was his armor? His shield and sword to hide behind? Frantically, he scrambled around his mind, searching for the smile and sarcasm he hid behind all these years. Where were they now? Hiding away, somewhere he couldn't reach no doubt, a sudden wince making him close his eyes quickly and take a ragged breath between parted lips. "Screams, up here you know. Calling out, wanting to be heard." He finally said weakly, lifting his now-red hand up to his temple, tapping at it lightly with a finger. "Always there."

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 6:27 pm

I don't know how it feels, no. But my imagination is quite clear. Heh, you have no idea... nor do I know what being the cause of genocide is like. But I will soon enough.

Mal's eyes glazed as she turned to look at the pitiful counters of the kitchen. She could still hear the Doctor's voice though it started to sound like an echo down a long, narrow hallway. The blame he set firmly in his foundation was heavy, even dragging her low and reminding her of her own unstable build. Everything was hanging by a thread and she wasn't sure who was threatening to sever the final frays but the sharp edge was there, awaiting the cut.

Absently she reached out and stroked a hand over his head, not really there mentally any more. "You saved me so I don't understand why you think everything's your fault. I'm here now. Safe." Mal blinked hard as the feeling of absence crashed into her, taking over her senses. Her nose twitched and a voice played out in her head, 'His fault.'

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 6:33 pm

"Right, living in a basement, looking like you've lost everything in the universe." The Doctor countered, his tone bitter as he shifted in the chair, suddenly getting to his feet as he began pacing the floor in front of her, hands reaching up and running over his head in frustration. "I've ruined so many lives, Mal. So many people. Sonya! I wasn't there when she needed me and now look. Off torturing small girls and trying to turn them against their friends for her own sick amusement!" He snapped, his dark gaze turning to settle on Mal as he stopped in front of her.

Suddenly he sank to his knees in front of her, his shoulders slumping forward as the anger fled from his body to be replaced once more by a crushing wave of depression. He could feel it, the darkness creeping up on his mind, it was there, waiting to take over, wanting to make him mad, drive him out of his mind, it would. Dragging his gaze up from the dirty floor and up to Mal's face once more, his expression lost as if he had no idea who he was anymore. "I'm a Time Lord, the last of my kind, and I am selfish. Oh... I am so selfish."

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 7:13 pm

Mal snapped her eyes over to the Doctor as he stood. She could feel anger rise, frustration itching to present itself. So much self pity and blame it was starting to make her ill. That's probably what set her off. "Oh ho! Yeah, I see how it is crystal clear, Doctor. You're so important that the whole bloody universe revolves around you. You are the sun of the solar system known as existence, aren't you? Of course Sonya turned crazy because of something you did. Of course you would think that! News flash, people change and misfortunes happen and a lot of the time it's just the accumulation of crap that has piled up in someone's life. Not just one, single person. Not just because of you. As for me? If you honestly think I'm here because of you then you're even more daft then you bloody look. I'm here because I decided to be."

She grit her teeth, nostrils flaring as she took in a large breath to steady herself. Mal realized her hands were in fists, they were shaking, and when the highly emotional fog cleared from her brain she realized the Doctor was on his knees before her. Regret and sadness replaced her irrational rage and Mal instantly put a hand on his cheek, the other on his shoulder. Before she said anything a thought flashed through her mind, startling her. She thought that this right here felt good and right, how it should be. It came in the peppery whisper she repeatedly heard since her last night with her Doctor. After grimacing slightly, Mal spoke up, "Yes, you can be. Like now, right now. It's selfish to think you are the sole reason any bad ever happens. I'm sorry to say it but you are not the most important creature in this universe. I highly doubt anyone holds that title. Yet. The thought caused her to hesitate before she continued on, "But you do so much good that shows your compassion. Your intentions are good no matter what your actions are. And selfishness can be forgotten. You just have to... put in some energy to change it. You can start by forgiving yourself, you're not to blame, okay?"

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 9:21 pm

Letting out a low groan, the Doctor wrapped his arms around her middle in a weak embrace, hiding his face in her lap as he tried to calm the whirling emotion tearing through his hearts. It was his fault, but it wasn't. He was being selfish, but he wasn't again. How could so many opposites have the same outcome? Keeping his eyes shut tightly, he simply stayed there, kneeling on the hard, dirty floor and taking comfort from her in the odd embrace he held on her middle. Finally, he turned his head to the side, staring at the wall opposite of him as a sudden calm stole over his thoughts. "Why did you hide, Mal?"

Tilting his head up, the Doctor looked into the woman's eyes, for the first time since his arrival that there was something there, a haunted look, something that caused the anger to rear its ugly head again in his mind. "What happened to you?"

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 9:51 pm

Mal let out a shuttering breath as she held his head against her and tightened her grip on his shoulder. The intensity of the moment, all the anxiety coursing through her, caused the tremors in her body to start. They weren't violent but definitely noticeable as the small ripples rushed through her head to toe. Her face probably took on a look of deep remorse since no one was looking, she was safe to let her guard drop for the time being. When the Doctor turned his head she began to stroke the side of his face absently, it was more for her benefit than his. The distant look was back in her eyes as she stared at the wall unseeingly.

The question she desperately didn't want asked was suddenly in the open. Mal blinked rapidly and trembled as she mentally returned from her wondering. As the Doctor tilted his head to look at her she carefully softened her features into neutrality. "Run, little girl..." the words were whispered and she shut her eyes to escape for a brief second.

Upon opening them again she made eye contact and somehow managed to keep it. "To me? Life. Just life." Mal began to shake her head before tilting it back up to stare at the wall. She couldn't look at him, couldn't tell him anything. Yet she felt like she'd crack if pushed enough. Maybe she was already crumbling since she was leaning over him, pushing heavily on his one shoulder to keep herself from crumpling from the weakness in her knees.

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 9:56 pm

Frowning slightly, the Doctor reached up and gripped her chin gently with one of his hands, turning her face towards him again, his eyes locking onto hers again with determination he hasn't felt in days. "Mal. Lying to me won't help. I'm not exactly in the right state of mind to skate around facts. Tell me." He stressed his last words with a raised eyebrow, his other arm still wrapped around her back pulled her forward slightly for comfort on his end as he settled back on his heels.

Dimly he realized he shouldn't be doing this, pushing the poor woman. But he wanted, needed to know what happened now that he saw. He couldn't stop it, the urge to analyze, to understand, to just know. Carefully studying her face now that he was closer, he realized it wasn't just tiredness causing lack of color, it was an old world-weary look he saw in his own eyes many times when looking in the mirror. Simply tired of everything he had seen, tired of the universe and all of it's problems. "Mal..."

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 10:14 pm

The line of Mal's jaw twitched as she clamped down hard, forced to look into the Doctor's face. "It's not a lie." The emotion was being leached from her voice as she recoils within herself, splitting her emotional from her situational. With a releasing sigh she gave up her legs' function, sinking in his embrace so they were both on their knees. Her head attempted to jerk away from his grip but it didn't work so she quickly gave up that as well.

"It's okay... it's okay. It's fine. Everything's fine. We'll be okay, I promise." This trail of words didn't even seem to be directed to the Doctor, Mal was distant again. The glazed expression caused her to stare through the Doctor until he said her name again. Blinking away the daze, she licked her lips and studied his face. What was she going to tell him? How would she get him off her case? The truth tends to do that... to get people to leave you alone.

"I can't say it. I can't. I think it too much and that's enough. I'm fixing it though, I'm trying to-" The sentence was never finished, her eyes shut and her body hunched as she collapsed further on herself.

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 10:25 pm

"Don't tell me it's just that." The Doctor said sharply, leaving no room for argument as he gently turned her head from side to side, studying her face closer with a slight scowl of frustration crossing his face. Before he could say anything more, she suddenly curled forward, pulling her chin from his grasp as she leaned her head down. "Mal?" He said quickly, leaning back so he could try and see her face again, the same hand that had gripped her face now brushing the hair hanging down in front of it away.

Once the expression on her face was clear, the Doctor sucked in a sharp breath. No, that look shouldn't be there. That was meant for people like him, utter despair, that was what he deserved, not Mal. Never Mal. Leaning forward again, he folded the woman into his arms and let out a long breath, trying to reign in his own emotion for her sake. Bloody git, what right did he have to come here and unload all of his problems on her? "Blimey, Mal..." He murmured quietly, rocking back and forth with her pressed against his chest, both hearts breaking even as he did.

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 10:40 pm

"I'm sorry." She stated in a muffled tone, void of feeling. "We were in the middle of... of your issues. I didn't mean to just..." Mal's eyes blinked a few times before remaining shut, absorbing the comfort the rocking provided for her. She felt like a child like this but couldn't seem to care. It was hard to beat down the emotion and replace it with something cheerful. It was impressive the Doctor did it so often and for so long. In a few days or even hours he'd be able to do it again, she was sure of it. The Doctor was strong. For her, she was only strong long enough for her child, so he would have a parent Mal never had growing up. Just because she had fallen to a piece of trash didn't mean he had to...

"Oh, Doctor... Doctor... Doctor..." It was impossible to keep the desperation from her voice as she finally put her arms around him, squeezing to keep herself here. The lightness kept coming back in spurts and the third wave of the night was starting to roll in. Normally it got stronger and stronger until it completely had her in hysterics, usually causing Greg to come down those stone stairs to help her out. Normally it only took a single poke from a needle to have her calm enough to sleep off the episode and return to "normal" in the morning. Just in time to deal with a waking baby...

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 10:44 pm

"Shh, your not alone now." The Doctor murmured into her hair, simply holding her close as he shut his eyes. "Oh, Mal. What's happened... Something, something is going on here. Why won't you tell me?" He asked in a soft tone, one of his hands reaching up to stroke her hair lightly, completely at a loss for what he should do. This, this rocking was what he could do, holding her tight and letting her know she wasn't alone in whatever was tearing her apart like this.

Without thinking, he gently shifted her into his arms and picked her up easily. So light, hasn't she even eaten? He hissed to himself, his anger rearing up once more only to be stamped down once more as he strode over to the couch set against the far wall and gently laid her down on it so he could sit on the floor near her head, a hand resting on her hair and the other clutching her hand closest to him.

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 10:59 pm

Mal was just muttering 'no' over and over quietly under breath as the Doctor talked to her. She was shaking more noticeably now as she tried to fend off the inevitable hallucinations, sounds, delusions. A groan escaped her as everything started to plague her again, add the wait to whatever diseased the Doctor and she was flying yet being weighed down on earth. Confusing sensations. Oh, the flying was caused by the Doctor picking her up, she registered that much.

"It's coming. It's coming. Oh, I'm sorry, so sorry." The statement was generic that not even Mal to which she was referring to. Was she talking about the psychotic experience just around the corner? Her haunting future? What? What was it? The questions just kept flying in her head, all of them 'why?'.

Mak turned her head to look at the Doctor, eyes bloodshot from the strain she was putting on herself, the tears she held back and all the exhaustion that settled in her bones. She didn't say anything but closed her eyes again, a pained expression twisting her face though physically she was fine.

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 11:08 pm

"Nothings gonna get you while I'm here." The Doctor murmured quietly, his eyes leaving her face to turn and survey the room then turned back to her's with the flicker of his old smile playing around his lips. "What could be more terrifying than an alien with big ears, yeah?" He added, his teasing tone sounding slightly forced as he struggled to make sense of the situation. Something was going on with her, and he couldn't help when she refused to let him. Gripping his hand around hers tighter, the Doctor leaned his head on the edge of the couch next to her, his nose inches away hers as he simply studied her quietly.

My fault, she was fine last I saw her, My fault. Look at this, she's torn to pieces and won't let me help. He hissed in his mind, a pained look flashing across his eyes at the thought before pushing it back with the rest of his traitorous emotions, carefully hiding them behind his trademark smile as he forced it onto his face.

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 12, 2013 11:22 pm

"You wouldn't be smiling if you knew half the things I thought."  Mal said in a dark tone, barely able to contain the tears and some slipped free.  "It hurts, it hurts so much right now but I'm always promised freedom from my pain..."  Her hand was limp in his, eyes flickering over his face and she fisted her free hand in the fabric of her shirt.  Mal's breathing was sickly, perspiration forming on her head.  "I just have to get there and everything will be fine, I was promised.  I won't hurt... but will I?  I'm here so... so my Doctor is fine.  He doesn't know but I ran to keep him away from me.  But he's suppose to kill me.  Oh, god, what if he can't?  He can't if I'm not near him."

Mal gasped and rolled away from the Doctor as best she could so she didn't have to face him.  She was crying now, choking on each sob in an attempt to fight it down.  The room felt like it had gotten darker, the air was crisp and windy.  Logically that was impossible since she was indoors but the visions always brushed aside logic.  "What does it?  What causes it?  Why do I do it?"

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeSun Sep 15, 2013 10:18 am

Taking a deep breath, the Doctor leaned his head back on the side of the couch, looking at the wall across from him in thought, his brow furrowed as he debated the answer to her question. "The only thing I can say is something must have happened to your timeline to cause this. Something must have caused this to turn out the way it has. Can you think of anything drastic that might have made you... Do whatever it is?" He finally asked quietly, turning his serious gaze back to her face as he studied her expression with a slight frown. Whatever happens to her future, she must be terrified of it. Why else would she be so disturbed by it? Leaning close, he looked her in the eyes and called her attention back to himself. "Mal, I'm here, I've always been here and you know it. Tell me whatever it is that your so scared of and I can help. Let me help you." He pleaded in the same quiet tone, his eyes sparking with worry as they shifted from side to side, looking into both of her tear-filled eyes. "Please."

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeSun Sep 15, 2013 10:48 am

"No, no, there's nothing. I don't know. Maybe I just go crazy. Heh, already there... Wait... no, that can't be. I don't know!" Mal reached up and grabbed both of his shoulders and shook him lightly to emphasize her words. More tears began to slip as she just stared into his face. He wanted to help but she couldn't let that happen, but he wouldn't just leave if he thought she was going to crack, going to tell him everything and let him figure out how to fix it. "But it can't be fixed... that's the point of fixed points." She was murmuring this to herself, having been convinced this path could not be swayed off of. There was no way she could alter her future and that's why she had to do everything in her power to isolate herself from her friends, to try and prevent their deaths by her hand.

"The first time I-I saw it I didn't understand... but I was so afraid. The vision, or hallucination, or whatever it was, looks like I was in a ship wreck every time. The sky is always black and it just doesn't feel right. B-but the first time there was a corpse hung on one of the metal panels... pierced through his heart. There was just..." Mal had to stop to take a shaky breath. She wasn't seeing anything in her current surrounding, instead envisioning the scene she was describing. "His face was... peeled off. I have no idea who it was. But the other times it happened they started getting recognizable features... u-until today. Now I see all of them. Every part. Mutilated, but I know who they are."

Mal shut her eyes tight and sucked in a breath, letting her arms drop as she wrapped them around herself. Her voice was now a whisper, "One of them's you. So you have to go. I'm sorry. But you have to leave."

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PostSubject: Re: Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light   Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light I_icon_minitimeSun Sep 15, 2013 1:04 pm

The Doctor sat up quickly so he could look Mal in the face, a scowl settling into place as he locked his eyes onto her's, leaning close so she would focus on him instead of what was bothering her. "No. I'm not going anywhere, what more could you do to me than I haven't already done to myself? Thought to myself, blamed myself for? No, I'm not going anywhere now. Deal with it." He said sharply, his blue eyes staring into her tear-filled ones. Reaching forward, he wrapped his hands around both of hers and brought them up to his chest, one of her hands over each of his hearts so she could feel their beating.

"I swore to be here for you no matter what may come. And I don't plan on changing that anytime soon." He added dryly, one of his shoulders lifting up in a slight shrug as one of the corners of his mouth quirked up into a slight smile. "I never claimed to think things through, in fact, I'm well known for not thinking before doing something."

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