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 (PRACTICE FOR 11)

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Master
Whovian
Whovian
Master

Join date : 2013-07-10
Age : 21
Posts : 356
Location : England

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PostSubject: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeWed Apr 16, 2014 10:40 am

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Christmas Spooner

Species: Time Lord
Age: 9000000000000000
Gender: Female
Occupation: President of the USA in the year 3030
Status: Time Travellor now enjoying a relaxed existence as President and crime fighter

Appearance:

Hair: Red.
Eyes: Pink with purple spots
Height: really really tall
Figure: Average
Other: a tattoo of a dragon on my back and scarring on my shoulder from my abusive uncle

Info:

Family: Father - dead. Mother - dead. Siblings - none. Uncle - evil Silurian.
Personality: Calm and well liked but badass. You don't want to mess with her.
Stengths: My forceshield that protects me from everything and never runs out of charge.
Weakness: I cry sometimes
Likes: America, Poetry, my TARDIS
Dislikes: Aliens, other countries, other Time Lords, people making fun of her name
Dream: To be loved by everyone. It is ironic because everyone already loves her but she doesn't realise.

History: Christmas was one of the first Gallifreyans and ran away from Gallifrey because she didn't like it there. Her uncle abused her and that upset her. She used her TARDIS to come to Earth and was elected president of the USA in 3030. All her people love her and she is the first female president. She created a forcefield that is powered by her TARDIS and protects her from everything allowing her to fight against anything she needs to. She hopes to one day retire and become a poet because of her fascination with Dragons and old poetry. She particularly likes Carol Ann Duffy.

How did you find us? Google

RP Sample:

Christmas could see that the Doctor was in trouble so she took out the matches. She through them into the shadows to distract the Vashta Nerada then ran through, knowing her forcefield would protect her. When she got to the other side she hugged the Doctor, kissing him on the cheek. "Wow, thanks Christmas," he laughed then kissed her back. "It was no problem," Christmas winked.


Okay Chinny, I'm going to give you a hint here, this does not get approved. But even in something which seems as obvious as this it is essential to pick out exactly what is wrong with it so try and find everything you possibly can. I'll put up a couple of other practices over the next few days once you've done this one.

_________________
The Master:
'He enjoyed being afraid of the dark a little too much and it swallowed him' - The 2nd Doctor
'The Time Lord's most infamous child' - Rassilon

Nate:
'His methods aren't the most orthodox but he gets results' - Sophie Smith
'You do know your cat probably has more sanity than you do' - Robin Terrell
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Robin
Administrator
Administrator
Robin

Join date : 2013-04-28
Age : 20
Posts : 1775
Location : Not the zoo, that's for sure.

(PRACTICE FOR 11) Empty
PostSubject: Re: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeWed Apr 16, 2014 2:36 pm

I hate you. Thoroughly.

Carry on.

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Audrey/Amy Pond
Student
Student
Audrey/Amy Pond

Join date : 2014-01-23
Age : 19
Posts : 221
Location : Looking for the Doctor, be back in the future

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PostSubject: Re: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeWed Apr 16, 2014 2:39 pm

LOL
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http://www.dwrpplay.forumotion.com
Sayo/9Th Doctor
Time Lord
Time Lord
Sayo/9Th Doctor

Join date : 2013-04-25
Age : 28
Posts : 2830
Location : Anywhere, Doing whatever.

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PostSubject: Re: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeThu Apr 17, 2014 6:04 am

PFFT oh dear lord xD that was... painful to read

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Rassilon/Eric Tempore
Student
Student
Rassilon/Eric Tempore

Join date : 2014-04-16
Age : 19
Posts : 111
Location : The End Of Time

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PostSubject: Re: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeThu Apr 17, 2014 6:09 am

10/10...nailed it  Easy Button 
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Romana II
Administrator
Administrator
Romana II

Join date : 2014-03-17
Age : 30
Posts : 186
Location : Gallifrey

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PostSubject: Re: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeThu Apr 17, 2014 6:18 am

Laughing so hard right now OMG
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Lucius Tyler Vulneras
Time Lord
Time Lord
Lucius Tyler Vulneras

Join date : 2013-05-16
Age : 24
Posts : 1230
Location : Earth

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PostSubject: Re: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeThu Apr 17, 2014 10:31 am

God bless America *puts hand to heart and tears up*

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The Hermit
Student
Student
The Hermit

Join date : 2014-01-02
Posts : 162
Location : Somewhere across the galaxy...

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PostSubject: Re: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeThu Apr 17, 2014 10:45 am

Hello, Christmas Spooner! There are many problems with this, so I cannot approve it just yet. Firstly, i'd like to refer you to the rules and guidelines of the forum. Here: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Your first mistake, is your picture. That picture is taken by another member, known as Robin Terrel. Maybe if you talk to her, you could work something out having to do with rp, like a clone, or something like that.

Your next mistake is being a timelord. We do not except OC (original) Timelords. If you want to be a Timelord, you can be one from the show (thats not taken), and you can find them here: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Next. Unless you get permission, you cannot have an occupation relating to the high council or high positions of anywhere, such as president or king, unless of course it is of your creation, like a business or even a planet.

This one isn't that big of a mistake, but could you put an actual height? You cannot simply put really really tall, we need exact specifications.

Alright, let's move on to your personality. You cannot have a force field that never runs out of energy. It wouldn't be interesting! You character would have no challenges. Same things go for weaknesses. Crying is not a valid weakness. Maybe she's not that smart? Maybe she gets angry when people talk about her parents or uncle? You should see where i'm going with this.

History. This is just a tad lacking. How did her parents die, perhaps? Is there a specific reason her uncle abused her? These are the things that you need to talk about.

Rp example. For this part, you seemed to be relying on your force field. Let me remind you, your force field cannot protect you from EVERYTHING. Also, try to lean away from PDA with canon characters (characters from the show). And even if you did kiss him, didn't it say she didn't like other timelords?

Well, these are all the mistakes, and I once again refer you to looking at the rules. Welcome to the site! Pay attention to these mistakes, remake your character, and you should be good to go.
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Master
Whovian
Whovian
Master

Join date : 2013-07-10
Age : 21
Posts : 356
Location : England

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PostSubject: Re: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeThu Apr 17, 2014 12:01 pm

Fantastic work 11, very detailed response. You got most of the problems. There were a couple of other minor things that might be commented on but ultimately not affect approval like the description of eyes not matching the picture and her uncle inexplicably being a Silurian. Also, she likes Carol Ann Duffy's poetry which is in itself a crime.

The one big thing you didn't mention that is vital to spot, but often is put in a rp sample, is godmodding. The majority of the time it's harmless is a sample, but it's always worth picking out. I'll put up another test for you fairly soon but great start.

_________________
The Master:
'He enjoyed being afraid of the dark a little too much and it swallowed him' - The 2nd Doctor
'The Time Lord's most infamous child' - Rassilon

Nate:
'His methods aren't the most orthodox but he gets results' - Sophie Smith
'You do know your cat probably has more sanity than you do' - Robin Terrell
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The Hermit
Student
Student
The Hermit

Join date : 2014-01-02
Posts : 162
Location : Somewhere across the galaxy...

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PostSubject: Re: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeThu Apr 17, 2014 12:10 pm

Ok. and than you.
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Sayo/9Th Doctor
Time Lord
Time Lord
Sayo/9Th Doctor

Join date : 2013-04-25
Age : 28
Posts : 2830
Location : Anywhere, Doing whatever.

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PostSubject: Re: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeThu Apr 17, 2014 1:29 pm

Carol Ann Duffy's poetry does suck but it isn't a crime to like it Razz

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Lucius Tyler Vulneras
Time Lord
Time Lord
Lucius Tyler Vulneras

Join date : 2013-05-16
Age : 24
Posts : 1230
Location : Earth

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PostSubject: Re: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeThu Apr 17, 2014 1:45 pm

I just spat everywhere laughing at that...

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The Hermit
Student
Student
The Hermit

Join date : 2014-01-02
Posts : 162
Location : Somewhere across the galaxy...

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PostSubject: Re: (PRACTICE FOR 11)   (PRACTICE FOR 11) I_icon_minitimeThu Apr 17, 2014 1:46 pm

xD
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