(New New) Sonya's Mental State

Alright, so for those of you that don't know about Sonya's past here on the RP site, I'm going to sum it up as quick as I can so you won't be completely lost when I post the (Totally epic) story thing I wrote up for her.

One: Sonya is a Time Lady, long story short, her parents used her as a test subject and she was abandoned on earth before Gallifrey was sent away to it's little hiding place.

Two: Her brother is The Master, he was the 'wanted' child by their parents and was raised normally (Up until he cracked that is) while she wasn't allowed to even go outside.

Three: During said testing done by her parents, they somehow managed to split her into two people. Both of them were completely Sonya, but just in two bodies. When the Council found out about it, they were forced to bring one of the girls forward to be left on Earth in an alternate universe.

Four: The Sonya that was left behind was allowed to stay because Gallifrey was on the verge of war, and her parents were given allowences to use her for testing to make a weapon to aid the Time Lords in this battle. When they finally suceeded, they didn't know it, but they made a horrible error. Instead of creating a weapon to work for them, they created a creature of mass murder and mayhem. The Nightmare Child (Mentioned/seen in the Classic era)

Five: After Sonya managed to regain control of herself and lock the Nightmare Child away, Rassilon had her captured, her memories locked away of everything to do with Gallifrey then left on Earth in their universe, firmly believing that she would never find her way back or ever run into anything that might make her remember.

Six: She had died TWICE in ways that DIDN'T allow for regeneration. First time being melted by acid, she managed to come back simply by having her other half in the alternate universe be pulled through the gap and placed back into her universe. The second time she was dropped into a Fusion Core Reactor, incinerating her body completely. She came back, later revealed, by doing the same tests her parents did on herself, splitting her body into two halves. one half was left behind, the other half died.

Seven: The half that was left behind had been Chamelion Arched and had her memories/body replaced with those of a human. Her belief was Sonya was her mother. Tyra (The other half) Then went on her way, after a short three-year stay on Earth as Tyra, she then was sent in the direction of a watch. Aided by a recent friend, she managed to get it before dying of a fatal shot to her stomach and regained her memories as well as her Time Lord body.

That's pretty much it to be honest. I mean, the main details anyway, the smaller stuff can be worked out by either reading some old Rps of mine or just rping with me, I'm bound to bring up her past eventually.

Flash

I'm dead, I have to be dead. I remember the burn as the acid ate away at my skin, I still remember the pained exclimation from him when it happened. I didn't know if he could see me or not, but I knew he could hear everything. I had to keep quiet, I didn't want him to know how much it actually hurt. Let him have that at least, that I didn't die in horrible agony as my body liquified.

It only took seconds, but it seemed like hours, days, years even. Imagine the hottest flame, then pass that flame over your skin and let it burn. Now take that pain and multiply it by some impossibly large number and you'll have a fraction of what I felt. Fire burning through my blood, slowly eating away to my hearts and melting the flesh there that tried to frantically start the regeneration process but no, too quick for my body to fix itself. I could see the blood on the floor, the liquified bits of my flesh swimming  in it like a morbid soup.

I died for him, to save him and that box of his. I had to and it was the only way.

Flash

I came back for him you know, his face changed though. A younger one I ended up with this time, but nothing romantic like before. simple, pure friendship. Something I never really had before. My best friend, one person I could always trust. It's confusing really. I died, then came back, I still have dreams where I wonder if I ever really came back or if I'm stuck in limbo somewhere, floating around, trying to find a place to be.

Of course, always him though isn't it? Only him, anyone else, I'd risk it, then regnerate and move on with my life. But not him, I have to give everything for that man. My very life to the point of no return, the fusion core that swirled below me. I couldn't see it, but I could feel it's energy, the power it sent out nearly feeling like a caress across my skin.

Me or the TARDIS, of course, I couldn't let that beautiful blue box die. Burn up in a fusion core like firewood. A lady of her stature deserved a better burial when the time came for it. Yes, I would gladly risk my life for her. Any day, and her driver? It goes without saying.

Of course, I made him choose, he wanted to stay, he wanted to leave the fate of Earth in his other face's hands and just stay there with me. Idiot nearly did it too, I'm just glad I managed to get through to him before he made a decision he'd regret. I'd die for anythng he stood for, and the man had no idea just how far I'd go.

Then again, he had no idea about how far I'd go to preserve my life either. Tell him about my daughter, make him look for her, then he'd help when the time came to finish the job and return from the dead. Unconventional, but whatever works.

Flash

Twice I've died now, both times for the same man with a different face. Always him, I don't think I'd ever die in such a perminant way for anyone else. My best friend, the only connection I have, and the only one I want from my own race. He understands me in a way that no one ever could, always seems to know what to do and where to go to make me feel better about whatever is bothering me.

Doctor, I don't know if I'm even alive anymore. I should have been dead twice now, yet here I am. First I was Sonya, then another version of Sonya, then Tyra and now I'm Sonya again. I'm a faint reflection of who I was when I was a child. Died so many times I can't even tell if I'm the real me anymore.

Maybe I'm not even here, maybe I'm just assuming people answer me when I speak to them. Maybe I've gone insaine and actually I'm a spirit, stuck inside a imagined world to make me believe I'm alive.

Am I real? Am I alive? Am I dead? Am I even here?

I look in my mirror and see an unfamiliar face, the face of a woman that's lost. I try, I put a smile on my face, I really try to be who I was. But along the way, somewhere somehow I lost something and I can't figure out what it is. Did I loose my very essence, my soul?

Even now, I look at people around me and just see who they are without knowing them. Something broke inside of me during all of this, and I've lost a part of myself only to have it replaced by this. I don't want to know anything about these people I meet. I don't want to know that they're sad or lonely. I don't need to know that they're running away from something or another before I even speek to them.

Doctor, am I real anymore? Do you talk to me when we speak? Or do you just speak and I reply without you hearing me? Someone, tell me, am I alive? Am I still Sonya?

Or something broken and faded like I fear?

BTW, I'm welcoming comments on this. I need to know if it's too confusing and needs to be fixed to be understood better.