Character template #1

(Wasn't to sure where to post this so am posting here)
My character is my avatar (hope that's okay)

Character Name: Hedda-Livana Sherlyn Giometti (goes by the name Liv)
Nicknames: Liv or Hedda-Liv
Species: Human
Age:16
Gender: Female
Occupation: Pupil
Status: Citizen

::Appearance::
Hair: Caramel
Eyes: Lime Green
Height: 5'3''
Skin: Light olive
Clothing: Hoodies, tanktops, t-shirts, tracksuit and summer dresses.

::Info::
Family: Mum (Jessica Giometti), Dad (Daven Smith) deceased, Sister (Anya Giometti), Step brother (Jordan Wilson), Step sister (Katie-Lea Wilson)
Personality: Shy, curious, adventurous, caring, clever, compassionate, generous, hopeful, imaginative, sensitive, creative,empathic, gentle and quiet.
Strengths: Writing, Taking care of Anya, Reading
Weakness: Depression, shyness, clumsy, fidgety, isolation
Likes: Stargazing, writing and reading books, artwork,
Dislikes: Crowds, small spaces, shouting, fighting, fire and death
Dream: Wants to be a astronomer or author

History: Liv was originally born in Nigeria but after her father passed away Liv and her family migrated to Angola, she was only three at the time.
Liv comes from a mixed race family and as a child she lived in Angola until Liv was about ten when her mum and step-dad split after many arguments, this meant that after the divorce Liv and her sister had to stay with their mum while her step siblings stayed with their dad, this caused Liv to become rather depressed, but after the split Liv, mum and her younger sister Anita moved to England, Liv struggled at first (and still does) to fit in with other girls her age, causing her to become rather lonely and isolated.

Liv already knows that after school she wants to become a astronaut and wants to see the stars, Liv has a rather large passion for stargazing and has loved space things since she was very little (This is reflected in her blue walled bedroom which is filled with old drawings of planets, aliens and stars) She collects rocks and has always wanted a piece of a comet or meteorite.

The Doctor is stuck under a flickering streetlamp, you are on the opposite side of the street. It's midnight, no moon or stars, the only lights around are the lamp the Doctor is under, and the light in front of a closed store you stand under.

The only way to the Doctor is to cross the dark street, easy, right? Wrong. This planet is well-known for being infested with Vashta Nerada. Any shadow anywhere could be infested with them. You have a small pack on your back with several items in it that you could use to get to him.
Liv takes out the flashlight and tries to turn it on, only to discover that the batteries are dead, so using the matches Liv manages to rig up a temporary light source which she uses to cross the street.
The Doctor stands there in awe as she crosses the street, only 16 years old and it's like she has the mind of a 40 year-old scientist.
Eventually, Liv reaches the flickering streetlamp and the doctor notices her panicked expression, taking her in his arms he tells her it's alright.
Or is it?

Hey there!

I'm Brax - just going to go through your application

Just some minor points, and please do feel free to tell me I'm being nit-picky.

Maybe expand on the history; what happened between the parents to cause them to split, what Liv thought of the split and her new family - as you did say that she has a couple of step-siblings at this point? What does she think of the transition from country to new country?

It would be good to reorder the history as chronologically it does not make sense.

Please include some of your character's weaknesses.

What caused Liv to want to become an astronaught? Had it been something she always wanted to do or something that had been a spur of the moment thing brought on from the love of science from school?

Also, please write in third person and as your character in the RP sample and try to give at least three sentences (if not more) just so we get a feel for your character

Let me know when you've edited, so I'll come and check again !

Can u give me a third person example?
I struggle to write fanfiction from any perspective and came here to learn how to write properly
Although I usually write in first person

Ex of third person is: The Doctor spun over to his companion, "What do you mean?!!" he proclaimed

Ex of first person is: I spun over to my companion" What do you mean?!" i proclaimed

First person is more of a personal view, like you are the person. Whereas third person is like watching what is happening and not being present in it. Like watching an episode unfold sort of speak

I have edited and I hope that the profile is good enough, took me a a while to think of things to add.

I suppose that comes with being Autistic and Dyspraxic .
I shall now get to work editing the RP sample...

RP sample is edited, i hope that's good two...

Application is DENIED

Although the application is denied, there is a chance to redo it at any time. As well as help with growing in your RP skills

If you need any help just let us know!

~ 10th Doctor
Site Owner

Why was it Denied?

Hello. I think I can help answer your question, while 10's author is busy with things in RL.
I believe your application was denied because there are far too many things that need to be fixed and it would be too much trouble to fix it than to just redo it, which means you probably need to work on your Rp'ing skills a little more, before you try applying again.

However, as he said, you can still have help in growing your skills. You are allowed to use this character in the RP school, where I posted a thread for you to RP in, and I can also help you with improving your application so that next time it isn't as likely to be denied.

I hope I've answered your questions, and I hope to see you post in the RP training thread soon!