RP training for Hedda-Liv

Hello, in this thread we will be doing some training, since you stated you needed help. I'll do my best to guide you to becoming a better RPer, but I'll need you to be willing to listen and adjust things where necessary. I'll be making a post as a character and you will respond as your character. Then I'll point out anything that you need to fix, or tell you what you're doing right or wrong. Then, once you fix that, I'll give you another post to respond to. If we're lucky there won't be much, or anything, for you to fix!

Once an admin or mod has declared you have graduated from the RP school, you'll be allowed to join any open RP that is active, or you can start a closed RP with some other people. I'll explain more about that later. Also, feel free to PM me about anything, at any time.

Now, about this RP here. Anything that's in color will be IC (in character - RP) and anything that's not in a color and in parentheses () will be OOC (Out Of Character - not RP) Be sure to write in the third person, like Brax was telling you, and try to make your post be at least a paragraph long.

Ready? I hope so! Here's my first post, using an old retired character that I used to play years ago on this site:


London, England
October, 2017


Emma blinked as she suddenly found herself in another place. One moment she'd been walking home from the bakery, eager to get home to her family. Then, suddenly, here she was. Right in the middle of a strange city. Actually, no. It wasn't a strange city, it was just one that she had not been in for.. years. The dark haired woman stared at the Big Ben clock and wondered how in the universe she'd wound up here of all places. After finding that her cell phone was not in her pocket, she remembered having left it lying on the counter in the bakery. Well darn, she couldn't even call anyone for help.

After taking a slow and careful look around at her surroundings, she began to walk. Maybe, if she could explore around a bit, she might find some clue as to how she got here. Being from Virginia originally, she couldn't even understand why she would have ended up here in London. But there had to be some reason for it. One thing she'd learned from traveling with the Doctor was that strange things could, and would, happen but there was always some reason behind it, whether it was some scientific thing beyond her understanding or not. She had to figure out what could have caused her to teleport, or whatever, from where she had been, to here, and why. Maybe if she talked to a few people around the area she might get some ideas.

Hiya, sorry that I took such a long time to get back to you, but I kinda got caught up with college stuff.
I'm also working hard on my RPing skills and have figured out the reason that I struggle so much, that reason is that I struggle to 'bridge the gap' between events, particular phrases or particular moments happening which makes my writing become 'muddled' and also means that It ends up with weak or boring points.

Any ideas on how to fix this?
I did try mind mapping the events but it only left me with larger gaps...

I hope this is alright as i write better when I do not plan, kinda like it just spills out from my brain and my hands just follow,
I decided to write in blue as it keeps the colour choice separate from yours and regular text in the regular grey colour.

Hedda was walking around London after having visited a few of the shops near Bigben As usual Hedda had her purple hoodie on and her light grey earbuds in, playing through a Queen playlist, she was walking along looking down at her phone when accidentally Hedda bumped into a young woman who seemed rather lost.
As if by instinct Hedda whispered "are you okay" and without expecting it the stranger just kept waltzing past, like Hedda was never there.
Hedda felt a shiver run down her spine as if she had just seen a ghost, she then begun to follow the young woman, however, she felt guilty as if she was stalking someone.

Hedda kept following the young woman until one of her arms phased through a lamp post as if she was a ghost, that's when Hedda felt it, she just felt someone watching her and that feeling told her to turn and run in the opposite direction from the ghost woman.
However, Hedda didn't run very far and eventually gave into her exhaustion, sitting on a nearby bench, she slowly went through what had just happend in her mind, that was until she felt a presence beside her, she turned her head and saw...

Sorry but i thought I'd leave it at a cliffhanger, I know, that's kinda evil to do, buuuuut suspension makes the reader want to know 'What's going to happen next?'

Hello! Sorry that it's been a few days in getting back to you on this. I've been waiting for months for someone, anyone, to reply to anything that I got busy elsewhere, lol. Those things make sense, and yes it is sometimes better to let it flow. I read your post, and it does look good, much better than the last posts that I was reading from you! Good job.

Seeing as your character seems to be a ghost, I will switch to using a different character of mine who is capable of seeing and communicating with ghosts.

One more thing, the cliffhanger is good in certain settings, and you're right it makes the reader wonder what's going to happen next. But one thing to keep in mind, when Roleplaying with others, when your post ends, that means another writer continues. So, sometimes that can work, but sometimes it doesn't. In this case, it seems as if it would require me to fill in what your character sees, which would sort of border on godmodding(saying what your character sees, if that makes sense?)

So try and keep that in mind in the future. Personally, as an author, I would use a cliffhanger like that at the end of a chapter maybe, and then the next chapter would be a continuation of my own writing, if that makes sense? But when ending a post to let another person reply to I would personally avoid that sort of thing unless the RP is being run in that manner, which I have known of some to do.

Also, anything that I say here that doesn't make sense to you, feel free to ask for clarification I'm here to help!

As for ideas on how to help, I'm not entirely sure of what the problem you're having is but I will try to help you the best I can. One trick that may help, though I'm not sure, is once you're finished, re-read your posts before you post it, and check for a few things;

* Is each sentence complete? (I have seen people write sentences that just seem to end in mid-sentence and then they go on to the next sentence. I can only guess that their thoughts got ahead of their fingers and they moved onto the next sentence before they were finished typing the last one.)
* Does each sentence seem to flow easily into the next, or does one sentence end and the next sentence seem to change topics or not really go with the last?
* Does the whole post make sense to you? (pretending you aren't the one who wrote it may help here)
* Is there anything in your post that you think could be confusing? You may need to re-word something or add a little more description or clarification so that it's less likely for someone to get confused or misunderstand.

I do hope these things help you!


London. Why did she have to be in London? With a sigh, Brooke wandered down the street, her arms wrapped around herself, hands resting on her forearms as she walked, her gaze mostly down as her messenger bag bumped lightly against her hip with each step. The 18 year old girl wasn't much familiar with this place and didn't really like it here. It was too busy, and full of people and she preferred being someplace with more open space and much fewer people. Still, she had to wait around for her friend to return and until then, she was stuck here waiting.

As she walked, she was letting her mind wander a bit, then after a bit she decided to rest and maybe she'd kill some time with a book. There was a bench up ahead, with only a girl sitting on one end. Maybe she wouldn't mind Brooke sitting nearby. She offered a small smile to the girl on the bench as she approached, then with some slight awkwardness she sat herself on the other end of it, hoping not to be any annoyance to her.
"Hi." She mumbled shyly as she tucked a little of her straight brown hair behind her ear. She figured she'd let the other girl choose whether to strike up a conversation.. if she didn't, then Brooke would soon become absorbed in a book and try her best not to bother the other girl.

my bad, i was trying to make it seem like your character was a ghost, kinda like she'd appears but not fully, that's why hedda ran off after your characters arm phased through the lamp post, any ideas how i could've made that clearer.

Oh, I understand now. My suggestion in a case like that, if you're unsure or confused about it, don't try and make assumptions about it. It's much better to just send the other person a message to ask them about whatever is confusing you.

For instance, in this case you thought my character wasn't fully there, but if you had PM'd me to ask I would have told you she is fully there. She was teleported/passed through a portal into a totally different place than where she expected to be. Hopefully this clears up the confusion?

As for continuing, I'm ok with playing either of the characters. Emma is an older one that was retired but for the RP school it's ok to use retired characters so I thought it would be nice to use her for it, but Brooke is a current/active character. So, either one is fine with me to use. I'll wait for your reply to know which to use.

Shall we perhaps start over with a slightly different story to avoid confusion, either character is fine

Sure, that sounds fine with me. So sorry for the delayed response. I have been without internet all this time! How about you post a RP starter and I'll reply to it, and let you know if there's anything you need help with.