Ererie Hietz(2nd oc attempt)

Character Name Ererie Hietz

Species: Nietsal
Age: 26
Gender: male
Occupation:
Status: a thief for hire freelancer

::Appearance::
Hair: bright red short beard and hair
Eyes: blue
Height: 6’3
Figure: very physically fit so tight bodybuilder muscles has a weekly routine
Other: black wings that can act like a cape has no powers
Clothing: A magician’s top hat it has inner pockets with smoke pellets, rope, lock picks etc.  A dark purple suit with black bow tie, also has a tall wooden staff with a glowing green orb on top.
Weapon: light staff when tapped on the ground it emits a very bright light enough for distraction/blindness it can also create a shield bubble that stops most energy blasts it looks like two branches intertwined together into a pedestal where the green orb sits. When activated it makes the sound of two hands clapping also isomorphic. (think gandalf’s staff see weapon creation)

::Info::
Family: an orphan he did not know where his family is when he found out he was betrayed and is estranged from them
Personality: calls himself a gentleman because he does have a code of conduct if caught he will give back the item stolen, can be coldly logical with a dry sense of humor, can be arrogant and set out to prove that he is right.
Strengths: flight, stealth, very good at lying or bluffing
Weakness: high pitched noise above a dogs hearing, being on contract, his past, claustrophobia has to meditate to over come this.
Likes: having freedom, earning a reputation
Dislikes: being caught, his past
Dream: Going to the next heist /adventure

History: Growing up in an orphanage he learned street skills quickly doing odd jobs to earn a living. When he was 18 someone discovered what he was and tried to turn him into torchwood. Where he was trained as an operative and he built his custom made staff, but the higher ups wanted to experiment on him so he escaped with a stolen vortex manipulator.
He keeps physically fit enough so that he can fit into small spaces and do acrobatics at least a weekly routine. He also has to meditate because of claustrophobia.
After torchwood he traveled to his home planet and was taken in by the family Ventus Ferum. The daughter of this family gave him his raven's necklace after they fell in love but it was really stolen from the royal family, he had to run away from the law because he was framed for the theft. Masquerading as an investigator he really hones his skills to do bigger thief's in an effort to catch his lover who also fled to commit more crimes. The adrenaline from thieving made him addicted to it he will fight whoever gets in his way.

HOW DID YOU FIND US?: Google

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The Doctor is stuck under a flickering streetlamp, you are on the opposite side of the street. It's midnight, no moon or stars, the only lights around are the lamp the Doctor is under, and the light in front of a closed store you stand under.

The only way to the Doctor is to cross the dark street, easy, right? Wrong. This planet is well-known for being infested with Vashta Nerada. Any shadow anywhere could be infested with them. You have a small pack on your back with several items in it that you could use to get to him.
• A carrot
The Doctor's Sonic screwdriver
A chicken leg
A flashlight
Book of matches
A rubber duck
a raincoat
Ererie glanced warily at the darkened street, noticing a man sitting propped up against an old police box. He had heard of The Doctor in fact he currently had a contract to save the man one of the only reasons he was even in such a dangerous area, he had a theory of what waited in the shadows. Taking an inventory he found a chicken leg to toss, his eyes narrowing as the bone fell to the ground stripped bare of its meat.  It was time for a small experiment tossing both the carrot and the rubber duck towards the Doctor not only to see if they were eaten, but to see if he could be woken up.  Bump not even a groan from the unconscious man on the bright side the carrot and rubber duck were still intact.  Ererie nodded to himself confirming his thoughts the Vasta Nerda would not eat vegetables or inorganic matter. He carefully used the Doctor’s sonic over the edge of the raincoat making it smell like carrot. All that he had left was the small book of matches to light in front of his body He also soniced the flashlight to brighten the beam as he slowly crossed the street. He allowed himself a small smirk as he thought of the rather hefty fees he would retrieve now that he was done.

Hello Drealynn,

Sorry it took me so long with reviewing the app. It's looking good overall, there are a few areas in which need some clarification.

Quote :

very physically fit so tight bodybuilder muscles

You don't have to write it into his history (and this may just be me being nit-picky) but how does he stay in shape and would this be not the ideal figure for a thief to have? If so, does he have a routine that he does to stay in that shape?

Quote :

When he was 18 someone discovered what he was and tried to turn him into Torchwood.

I'm sure that Torchwood would have done research on him, if they found him out as an alien, correct me if I'm wrong please. This could be a little more in detail and perhaps describe what happened during this time as it did feel rather vague. This helps others get a better sense of the character they are RPing with

Quote :

Was betrayed by the very family that took him in.

How was he betrayed? Where did the maiden go after that?

Also, having grown up in a orphanage, where did he find the staff?

I know there is a lot of questions, I hope it's alright

Brax

(its fine this was all off the top of my head so I appreciate the help) He keeps physically fit enough so that he can fit into small spaces and do acrobatics at least a weekly routine.
I'm changing the history to he was turned into torchwood where he was trained as an operative and he built his custom made staff, but the higher ups wanted to experiment on him so he escaped with a stolen vortex manipulator.
I'm aiming for a more protagonist oc who's logical and cold but can be talked out of some situations basically the opposite of my other oc. I also wanted the freedom to write in more space or time based rps.
After torchwood he traveled to his home planet and was taken in by the family Ventus Ferum. The daughter of this family gave him his raven's necklace after they fell in love but it was really stolen from the royal family, he had to run away from the law because he was framed for the theft. Masquerading as an investigator he really hones his skills to do bigger thief's in an effort to catch his lover who also fled to commit more crimes. The adrenaline from thieving made him addicted to it he will fight whoever gets in his way.

drealynn wrote:

The daughter of this family gave him his raven's necklace after they fell in love but it was really stolen from the royal family, .

Its made of a special metal black and shiny like cobalt with a ruby stone for its eye could be a perception filter or have a special ability wip

May I ask whether you have finished with the app or would you like some more time?

if its complete enough for approval then I'm done I've decided the necklace will just be a plain perception filter handy for disguises but it will only hold the image briefly, don't want him to be too powerful