Run While You Can

((Closed to Matt and I))

Guilt.  That's what Mal was feeling now.  It had been a whole week and three days since she last saw the Doctor.  The two of them had went to the cottage he had mentioned and slept off their interesting experience at Torchwood.  Mal had woken earlier than her partner and slipped out to make a call to Sonya.  She knew the Time Lady wouldn't reject her and was correct when her red-headed friend came with the TARDIS to pick her up.  Mal just wanted a few moments away and knew she could be back in this very place minutes later though in her reality she would spend a whole day out.  

The very idea of going to New Earth was something she highly regretted.  She should never have gone, she should have stayed right where she was in that little cottage. The discovery there, the struggle to come to terms with it, the revealing secrets had left Mal so broken and bruised she wasn't sure she could pull herself whole again.  

Sonya had dropped her back on Earth in worse shape than she had ever been in her life.  Mal couldn't even return to her flat nor the cottage to see the Doctor.  Her head was a mess, body barely able to function due to her poor mental state. She had used what money she had and forced herself to a motel, buying out a room for as long as she could afford.

Throughout that week Mal did absolutely nothing.  She laid curled on the dingy bed and cried until her body was spent of tears.  She rarely slept, never ate, and only drank enough to prevent herself from perishing.  Her mind seemed to clear up enough in that time to lift some of the fog that seemed to want to permanently settle in her head.

She began to think and the first thing she thought was she had to see the Doctor.  He could very well be in hysterics looking for her and she felt horrible that it would be her fault he felt that way.  Poor man had no idea.  

So Mal had left the motel and went to the store to buy an apple pie.  She didn't know why at first but figured it was her way to make a measly peace offering.  Dragging herself down the street, she felt like the walking dead and felt even worse.  But she made it to her flat and walked to door one-oh-three.  Yes, it was hers, but she knocked anyway. Oddly, she felt like a stranger in this place now. Why? She wasn't too sure.

If anyone was even here, it would be the Doctor. Ash worked at this time and wouldn't be home. Mal shifted on her feet as nerves and fear of what this meeting would have in store for her assaulted her mind. Oh, maybe there was still time to run. But she held herself here, not just because she had to but she was honestly too tired to move.

Mal's skin was sickly pale, there were dark rings under her eyes, her figure seemed skinnier.  All around, she just didn't look so hot. At least she managed to wash up in that cruddy tub in the motel. Though her clothes were the same ones she wore on New Earth. Oh, the anticipation was beginning to get to her.

He was part way out of a quick shower when he heard it. The knock seemed ominous and he decides to answer it before he dresses. He tugs a ratty towel around his waist, tying it tightly on one bony hip. He knew she'd be back and to say he had been upset was an understatement. He had looked and looked for her the first few days... Then he realized he was basically human and he needed to Do human things to survive. He stopped by a shopping mall, using his sonic to make himself a British citizen in the data banks. His credentials weren't to high, although high enough to snag a clerk position at a Dilworth's. He pads towards the door, realizing he'd have to call in sick. Instead of opening it, he speaks with it still locked.

"Give me one reason I should open it Mal? One really really good one."

Mal let out a shaky breath.  She was going to have to talk to him, was going to have to explain it.  But still the memory was so fresh in her mind she could barely think without breaking down.  It was a surprise she wasn't already sobbing. She was back at her apartment for a reason, however, and that was to apologize and hopefully get help.  Help with what, exactly? Mal didn't really know. But she needed it even if it was mental support. Now that she was standing here she wondered if it would have been better if she ran and locked herself away for the rest of her life. 

The Doctor was soon on the other side of the door and asked for one reason to let her in.  She had to make it better than what came to mind.  "She just couldn't see him" for a week was the poorest reason of all yet was the one that popped into her head first.  He would never accept that.  So maybe she should start with part of the truth. Then he could let her in and she could, hopefully, spit out the rest in some coherent form of speech.  

"Robin's dead." Came her answer, her voice breaking. She reached out and propped herself heavily against the door frame so she would remain standing.  It was a miracle she didn't drop the pie at how weak those two words had made her.  The little energy she had managed to muster for this encounter was zapped away quickly as soon as she opened her mouth.

It wasn't fair.  The red-headed girl was one of Mal's best friends and she was only thirteen.  That was way too young to die.

He opens the door and wraps her in his arms. Robin? He didn't want to push her now that he can see the state she's in and practically man handles her inside, taking the pie and placing it on a randomly placed table. Mal looked... She looked utterly wrecked. Her once soft looking skin was ashen and her face sunken in. He sits next to her on the couch, taking her hand in his.

All he can do is remain silent and listen.

Mal stumbled after him, barely able to register where she was as the Doctor sat her on the couch. He had taken her hands but she pulled them away so she could basically tackle the man into a hug. It surprised her that she was sobbing again. In all honesty she thought she'd be dried out from her mourning marathon. Yet here she was, the sobs racking her body painfully. God, at this rate she'd never be able to talk.

How would she even begin to tell him what she saw? It was hard enough to wrap her head around it let alone admit it out loud. But he'd listen, he wouldn't push her away. Or would he? Not knowing was making her more and more anxious.

Her crying had quieted down into small hiccups. Mal felt tired again, enough that she could have probably went to sleep for the first time this week. She wasn't sure why she left for so long if he made her feel safer. Safe enough to sleep, that was.

"I... it... I..." She stopped and cleared her throat, trying to regain some composure. "I did this..." It was a start. A whispered start.

He holds her to his chest, reclining back and just holding her, stroking her back and gently coming fingers through her damp hair. She sounds like someone who's had their should shattered. He knew the sound of A hollow person all to well. Her body vibrates as she cries and soon it
Slows. When she speaks she isn't making any sense. He prods gently.

"What? No you didn't dear..."

"I-I did... Not... not this me. I do it in the future." She's shaking as she talks, her anxiety picking up. Mal begins to shake her head and bites the inside of her cheek before continuing. "New Earth... I called Sonya and we went to New Earth. Found Robin there... Torchwood... ugh!"

She adjusted her position so she could see him. Her eyes searched his face a bit before she dropped them to stare at her hands. So much shame and fear for something that hadn't happened for her. And yet it had. Time was so confusing, bending and twisting in every which way. Apparently it wasn't linear and that's what blew her away the most.

"We got caught up in Torchwood there. I was forced to.. stay in the TARDIS while they arrested Sonya and Robin. I didn't understand what was going on at the time. B-but... the TARDIS.. I got the screen working and used Torchwood video cameras to see it all. The person in charge... she was me. Oh god, Doc..." She covered her face, rocking lightly. She couldn't go on yet, taking a moment to just breath and calm down.

He held her. That explained it, it explained her condition. But who had Robin been? He kisses her head, speaking gently with with as much conviction as he could muster.

"I won't let you become someone you shouldn't be. As long as I'm alive, I'll treasure you, and I'll make sure you never turn against yourself. Never."

He didn't understand who Sonya was either but he wasn't
Going to prod at her. He would hold her, call the shop, quit, and then try and keep her safe. That was his goal and so far it wasn't looking to good.

Mal wiped at her eyes and leaned into him. "B-but how can we prevent it.. if we don't know what happens to make it happen? I-if I don't become that... Doctor I made Robin. I make her in my future.... how is that possible? The future me... she said she created Robin. It's not.. right, is it? How could I have done that? That means either I become that monster or else Robin never exists."

She thrust a had into her hair, obviously agitated. "The scariest part was she didn't seem to care... and she told me she remembered what it was like being in my position... said I should run while I can but it won't stop a thing. Then she.. th-then she shot through Sonya to get to Nat. S-Sonya was trying to protect her but it didn't work... "

He listens, although he wants to shush her and tell her that everything would be alright. But he wasn't about to lie to her.

"Mal, listen to me... When you say you created Robin... What do you mean exactly?"

As he speaks he eyes her below, as if the scene from aliens would happen in their dinky living room. He waits for her to answer, hopefully in an extensive manner.

"S-she's flesh." Mal whispers. "I didn't know that until going to New Earth though. That's all that was said. I-I don't know anything else. B-but they kept referring to her as Experiment Twenty-Nine."

Mal shrugged before closing her eyes and laying back against the couch. Her body sagged int othe soft cushion, sighing heavily. This was a mess.

When she opened her eyes she noticed he was looking at her belly and her brows furrowed. Her hand immediately went up to cover that spot in a self-conscious manner and she fidgeted. "Wh-why do you think I'm like that? In the future, I mean.."

He snaps out of it and then studies her. Maybe her power had gone to her head? But that wasn't possible... She seemed adamant in being normal and no one just wakes up and decides to be a dark over lord.

"I'm not sure, if I had been there, I would've stopped you... No matter what it took. And I always will, I'll save you from yourself... Although from what your telling me,
I don't make it to the last page in your book..."

Mal struggled to sit up, looking at him with wide eyes.  "Th-that's because the future me lives in the 5000's.  I don't know how, but I think I travel in the future.  I-I really hope it doesn't mean... She mentions you, saying how you were right to say I could have the world looking up at me in respect or fear.  But other than that you aren't mentioned.  M-maybe you're just not around at that time... I wouldn't... leave you."

She takes hold of his arm, hesitating, and leans forward to kiss him.  Awe, hell, she was becoming dependant.  But she supposed in a way she always was when it came to this man.  Whether it was in the face of danger or to just support her, give her a motivating speech, he was there for her.  So why in the world would it all change?  It was so our of character.  Why would she do any of that?  The future her killed people.  Mal couldn't shoot one man without crying about it for days. More importantly.. how did she become the commander of Torchwood? She hated Torchwood with a fiery passion..

He kisses her back, making it a bit more heated than he knew she could probably handle. His hands bury themselves in her hair as he puts all his emotion into that kiss.

He knew his fate, although she hadn't said it but he knew his luck and he might as well enjoy her while he could.

Mal brought her hands up to his face, holding him to her before she had to break away. She's out of breath and glances up at him. "I-I'm.. sort of hungry." Bad timing, yes, but she hadn't ate since last week and it was all hitting her at once. Her stomach even rumbled as if to articulate the fact it was being neglected.

"Maybe later... we can... preform the tests.. You know, the ones we didn't get to do." It might all be too much, and she bit her lip at the thought, but she had said she'd let him. Mal was beginning to worry she was going to go on an overload and either sleep for the rest of her life or take up drinking again.

He nods, standing up. He tries to adjust his towel, although fingers it's a redundant point and heads towards the kitchen. Ash hasn't kicked him out due to the fact he could make almost anything into food. He tugged out some left over lasagna from last night and began to heat the oven.

"I'll warm some food up... Maybe you'd like to rest?"

He slips the plate in and sets a timer before looking down at his now dry body.

"I'm going to get dressed, make a call l, I'll be out in a minute. Please stay..."

He smiles gently and walks back and into Mal's room. He'd have to fix his new arrangement at being normal. Sometimes he made some rash decisions but they could be rectified.

Mal trailed behind before collapsing into one of the kitchen chairs. She laid her head on the table while wrapping her arms around her stomach. Her eyes lazily watched the Doctor move around, setting things into place and whatnot and finding it odd he'd be so domestic. His past incarnations, the ones she met, would have rather been caught dead.

"I'm too tired to move." She figured that answered everything. She didn't want to rest without food but could probably fall asleep in the position she was in if she closed her eyes. It also answered his plea, she wasn't going to go anywhere.

Mal sighed, the scent of food making her stomach twist and complain in a painful matter. She began to grumble to herself. Now what? What was she going to do now? What was she to think of everything that has happened in such a short amount of time? Oh crap... what about her job?

"Called your shop last week, told them you'd had a bit of an accident. They haven't been to worried over you working, more like when you'd be we'll again. I told them soon..."

He walks into the kitchen, tight black jeans and a band t shirt now in place. He had also bought chelsey boots off some kid near the train station. He was sure they were knock offs but he couldn't find it in him to care. He busily takes the food out of the oven, setting plates and cutlery out for them. The food steams between them and the awkward silence isn't something he'd want to be a regular thing. He had left a message at Dilworth's, the usual lies about being extremely busy with school and what not. Looking young was always a plus side in any regeneration.

"Oh.... thanks." Was all Mal could think to say. She didn't move even though she heard him re-enter the kitchen. But at the smell of food she finally raised her head. First she stared at the lasagne before she looked at the Doctor. A small smile came to her lips as she leaned back in her chair. So was that it for the bow tie, then? She didn't really seem able to speak and the silence was making her uncomfortable. For the sake of her sanity, she cleared her throat and reached over, and dished out servings for the two of them. Anything to keep her mind off of things.

With the food right in front of her and she couldn't just stare at it any more. She shovelled a mouth full in an instantly regretted it when it burnt her tongue. Mal covered her mouth and cussed as she sucked in air to try and cool it down before swallowing. "Ow..."

He shakes his head, moving his own meal around his plate as he averts her eyes. This wasn't getting any less awkward and with Ash coming home later it would probably get worse. He takes a bite, the food burning his tongue but his pride not letting him admit it as he forces it down.

Mal didn't exactly want to burn herself again but she couldn't take the silence. It was silence that drove her mad, drove her to think about the worse possible outcomes in her life and that was never a good thing to dwell on. So she dropped her fork on her plate, flinching when it clattered and leaned on the table, looking at the Doctor with furrowed eyebrows.

"What're we gonna do? I just feel so useless. Mentally unstable a-and a crappy friend and person in general... Also could be pregnant but I-" Her voice cracks and she ducks her head, instantly picking at her food again so she wouldn't cry and didn't have to speak again.

He pushes his plate aside. He always did this, she was having a normal and boring life when he had met her... Now she could barely function. He rubs his eyes, wanting nothing more than to never have met her. To never have ruined her life.

"Tomorrow I'm going to Torchwood. They'll study me, do whatever they need to do... And hopefully your luck will change for the better."

"No!" Mal choked on a piece of food she hurriedly worked to chew and swallow. Her eyes were wide as she looked at him, dropping her hands on her lap and holding them together tightly. "Why would you go back? Don't do that... Trust me, my luck has nothing to do with this. I was born with that cloud over my head." She was trying to comfort him, seeing it on his face that he was disturbed much like herself. Well, it was different but it was still there.

"Doc, we ran from there... Torchwood is spiteful, you don't know what they'll do to you if you return." She sucked in a part of her bottom lip and chewed it nervously. She couldn't just let him go back. Even if they didn't harm him, they'd probably get him to procreate considering Mal had ran from their grasp. That thought irritated her, tugged at a string of jealousy. It frustrated her to think she felt that way but he was her Doctor.

Mal shook her head and tugged her fingers through her hair. A distasteful look crossed over her face and she let out a ragged breath.

He looks at her. And the disappointment couldn't have swollen in his chest fast enough. She was a wreck and didn't seem to think he knew what he was doing. He couldn't stop the anger he felt at himself for letting her think he wasn't able to take care of her.

Or himself.

He crosses his arms, eyes hard as he speaks.

"What should we do hm? Hole ourselves up, maybe have a child and raise it here and hope they don't find us? You might think you know them, you might be scared but that's what always made me different, made me the mad man people used to run away from. I stood ground, faced my enemy, because to be quite honest Mal, I'm so tired
Of freaking running."

Mal watched her hands with mock interest as he spoke.  She didn't mean to sound so faithless, she was just worried. And it saddened her to know she couldn't relate to his fighting attitude, Mal wasn't doe running from her problems.  That's all she'd ever done, running from everything i her life from family, to her ability, to everything beyond and in between.  "I'm sorry..."  She whispered and silence lingered at the end of her fading voice.

Just then, the front door banged open and Ash walked in, "Bloody blokes and their loud mouth- oh.  You're back from the dead, are you?"  The other girl started to busy herself in the kitchen, grabbing a plate and stealing some of the food on the table. She winked at the Doctor as her personal sign of appreciation, oblivious to the tension in the air.

When Ash had came in, Mal jumped in surprise that caused her heart to race.  She only just managed to keep herself from screaming. Her cowardice was something she ought to be ashamed of. Mal stood up quickly, pushing the chair back as she just stare at the ground as Ash moved around.  "I'm tired... I-I'm just gonna..."  She turned and retreated quickly to her room, shutting the door and leaning on it a while before stumbling to the bed and curling up in the fetal position.  Her eyes closed but her brain was buzzing, indicating her exhausted brain just wouldn't shut off that simply.

"The hell's that about?"  Ash asked passed a mouthful of food, eyeing the Doctor curiously. She probably caught the two in a domestic row. So she shrugged and made her way towards the living room to watch the telly as she ate.