Running Won't Save You

"Well it's not like I'd know any of that, would I?" Sonya asked, a sudden bitterness leaking into her voice. "Not like I was taught anything about the Time Lords, never really did learn anything about our history, have I?" Dropping her gaze down to the controls in front of her, she glared at them in anger. Clenching her hands into fists, she let out a low sigh before sucking in a calming breath. "Not like any of that is our fault. Move on, like you said." Shaking her head sharply and continuing with what she was doing, Sonya cast a curious glance over at the Doctor with a wry smile. "And by the way, the whole regeneration thing isn't that hard... Just keep focused on who you are."

Laughing weakly, she flipped a couple of switches in front of her, her hands brushing up against the controls with a grin, her fingertips tingling from the light touch against the console. "Mentally, I'm as unstable as you are, if not worse considering everything I've gone through. Who I am is all I have left of me, why would I want to change that?"

The Doctor looked at Sonya, his eyes fixed on her long after she had stopped speaking, "Susan" he whispered before sniffing and ripping his attention away from her and back over to the controls. "Anyways!!!" He proclaimed, "Off we go..best get away from this part of space..never know if something else might happen" he falsely chuckled, lowering his head and gaze on the controls as he tried to mask the expression slanted across his face. Suddenly, the TARDIS shot the image of the first doctor in hologram form across the room, directly in front of the double doors and half way up the ramp. His hands cuffed the edges of his coat, his chin held high as his eyes watched something, something walking away from him. "What?!" The Doctor exclaimed, dashing around the controls madly, "Stop doing that!!" he pleaded but the hologram still remained solid and true until the image of another ran up and hugged him.

It was the image of Susan, his great granddaughter, just before she left him; the last moment he ever saw her. The Doctor froze, stared up at the flashback intently as if it were a movie he had been longing to see for years. Then the image disappeared, only to be immediately replaced by the image of the third doctor hovering over a window, peering inside with a smile. The background was prominently Gallifrey, the twin suns shinning in the back as they peered over the snow caped mountains. Then the hologram shifted to what The Doctor was looking at. The sight of a family appeared, Susan, her husband and a young girl, barely the age of four. "Eat up Sonya" Susan told the young girl, gesturing to the girls food with her fork before the hologram suddenly wavered then shut off.

Commanding the TARDIS controls, stood The Doctor, inserting his sonic screwdriver into one of its ports before deactivating his sonic and tucking it away. A cold glare was prominently expressed upon his face as he aggravatingly turned the dials and switches of the controls before yanking down the main lever without a single word.

Sonya froze in confusion as a new hologram appeared in the control room. What was it doing there? They were finished with this! Everything was fine now! A quick glance over at the Doctor proved that something was bothering him, it wasn't the hologram itself, she guessed, but the significance behind it more than anything. Then as it vanished only to be replaced by another one, she felt a small smile creep onto her face at the image of his granddaughter and her family only to have it freeze halfway onto her face when she spoke. "Sonya..." Mouthing the word silently, she slowly turned to look at her friend as the image vanished, her eyes boring into the back of his head.

Turning around, she left the controls and seated herself on the jumper seat next to them, her arms and legs folding themselves with slight awkwardness from the unaccustomed length in them as she settled into the chair. Staying silent, Sonya watched the Doctor work on the console, her eyes never leaving him as he moved around it in agitation, from the look on his face, he never anticipated that being shown, much less let her know about this. Looking around the room, she ran her tongue over her teeth in thought before looking at the Time Rotor, unable to see him anymore as she finally voiced the question in her head. "Care to explain?"

The Doctor paused, releasing a sigh as he leaned on the control console in front of him, shaking his head before responding, "Long time ago i traveled with someone...someone close to me. My granddaughter Susan". Pausing once more, he stood up straight, placed his hands into his pockets and walked over to the other side of the console where he leaned his back up against it, his attention and eyes now completely on Sonya who sat in front of him. "She left.." He began again with sniff, "Began a new life..a safer life. Got married. Within the fifth year of their marriage they came across a child, a child used by Rassilon for experiments..experiments which to this day i don't even know what they did. They adopted the child..and named her after me..well..after something Susan remembered the most about me. My knowledge of everything..my wisdom. And that's what the child stood for..my wisdom.".

The Doctor stopped one final time to look down and over to Sonya, a small smirk emerging on his facial expression before disappearing as he lowered his head then shot it back up with a sigh, "She named her Sonya. And i looked after them...all the time i would find time to pop by their house on Gallifrey..check up on them except for one day. One day i forgot. That's the day Susan disappeared..Susan and her husband, gone in the dead of the night. But Sonya was still there..crying in the middle of the house when i got there. Never did figure out what happened to Susan but..i wasn't thinking about that when i brought that girl to Earth. Brought her to..well..what i thought would be safety. With a good family". Chuckling sadly, The Doctor placed his hands from his pockets to the edges of the console as he peered up to the ceiling, "So i tore a piece of paper from my psychic paper...left Sonya at her new home with her name on the paper. And...eventually..she found her way back to me..after years and years of separation. My wisdom came back to me with her own psychic paper and full scale madness".

"So, basically what your saying, you feel like you have to stick around me. Because of your granddaughter?" Sonya said sharply, her eyes locking onto his face with a scowl on her own. "I'm just another person you feel responsible for? Well you know, we could have been past this already if you didn't hide that from me!" Jumping to her feet, she advanced on him, finger poking his chest as she stuck her face up to his. "Didn't you ONCE think maybe I would like to know something about my past that you KNEW ABOUT!"

Throwing her hands up in the air, Sonya spun around and strode away, heading towards the hallway. "You know what? Forget it, don't even bother trying to explain yourself. Next planet we land on, drop me off. I'm so sick of your secrets right now it's not even remotely funny." Just as she reached the entryway, she stopped and turned around to face him, her face a mask of anger and her arms folded tightly across her chest. "Is there anything else you hid from me that you don't seem to deem worthy enough to tell me about? Maybe I'm not even a real Time Lord. Was I cultivated in some tube? Maybe I wasn't even loomed, maybe I was just found on the planet and they assumed I was a Time Lord. Is that it?" Shaking her head, Sonya shot another hurt look at the Doctor before vanishing down the hallway to be alone.

The Doctor lowered his head and gaze, staring at the floor, "TARDIS" he suddenly said in a mumbling tone, "You know where to go". Suddenly, the time rotor pulsed with life and roared as the controls flipped themselves on and the TARDIS automatically jolted through the time vortex, heading directly for Earth. As the TARDIS flew without one single bump or thrust, The Doctor pondered the situation further before pushing himself off of the edge of the console and began to follow after Sonya down the hallway leading down to the second floor. Quickly he found himself in front of a closed door, one which he immediately guessed Sonya had barricaded herself behind. "Sonya" He said softly, knocking on the door lightly as he did so, "I'm sorry i didn't tell you earlier...but i knew something was wrong. Something the moment i first laid eyes on you. Rassilon did something to you when you were young..infant even. The nightmare child was inside of you the entire time Sonya...only recently we got it out. If i told you any of what i just told you now then the child would have heard it and used it against us..against me. Because i failed Susan..i didn't keep her safe. I see their faces Sonya..every single person that i let die..the ones i failed. Every single one i see every single day. And i couldn't let your face be included in that line up..i've lost all of my family. I am not going to lose you. Leave or not, i will not lose you".

"How many people do you think have died because of me, Doctor?" Sonya glared at the door she had locked from where she sat on her bed, a pillow gripped to her chest in a meager form of protection. "During the war, and now after it? Did you know that Natalia is dead? You know she never regenerated before meeting me then she continued to do it on a constant basis. Then there's Dave, brave Dave, stood in the way of some creature chasing after me. No questions asked, then died because it decided he wasn't worth the problem." Taking in a shuddering breath, she closed her eyes, images of the people she loved appearing in her head while she continued to speak. "Then there's your thirteenth incarnation, died while I was around, then Damon and Martha... My parents. My adopted parents, Susan... How many more because of that blasted thing?"

Opening her eyes again, she failed to notice the faint burning in them as a small ring of gold surrounded the blue in them, her hands fumbling with her sonic before finally gripping it tight and pointing it at the door to unlock it. "How long before you die because I'm around? How long before Robin or Mal? Have you seen Mal lately? She's gone crazy! Time travel destroyed her, it was my fault in the first place. If I didn't insist on going to New Earth, she would have never created that paradox for herself." Wrapping her arms tighter around the pillow, Sonya dropped her eyes down to the floor beside her bed, studying the swirling design in the rug there as she gathered her thoughts.

"Don't you think maybe, just maybe, if you had told me this, I might have been able to do something about all of this sooner? Maybe if you didn't leave me on Earth, maybe if the parents you chose for me didn't die. Maybe if you had stayed with me while I was thirteen that NONE of this would have happened the way it did?" Jerking her head up, she snapped a sharp glare at the closed door again, daring him to step through it. "You. Screwed. Up. You say you won't loose me, Doctor? I think you already have. Too many secrets you've kept, and most of them were about me it seems. Don't you think maybe that might put a strain on what I suppose was a friendship at one point? Or do you even think about things like that anymore?" With a low growl, Sonya fell back onto the bed and rolled over onto her side with her back facing the door, her eyes shut tight as she fought back the tears threatening to take over again.

The Doctor listened intently to her response, entering only a few feet before stopping to pull over a chair from the corner of the room which he positioned in front of the bed and sat down onto it. "Most think my life is easy..bright big gaping hole of sun shine and happiness..but when you live my life..you take some of it with you. It never leaves you. I've lived for nearly a thousand years...maybe more...when you live that long you don't know which day could be your last. What day could be the last of someone you love. Instead of watching them wither away before our eyes we do everything in our power to keep them with us....whether that means lying...or even dying for them". His gaze was cold and unrelenting as he stared down at the edge of the bed which Sonya laid upon, "Someone once told me...in the final moments i saw them. That." he paused, his face cringing up as he fought back a tear, shooting his gaze to the wall to the left of him for a second then peering back over, "She..she believed in an afterlife. Some sort of reincarnation. She said...one day Doctor..one day i will come back to bring light to the darkest corners of the universe. A light brought by one truth..one truth running throughout time. That love is the key to any locked chest...".

Looking up at the form of Sonya sprawled across the bed, The Doctor managed a small smirk, "You are my keys..everyone that i have ever known" he began again, "You thought i just gave out those keys so they could get back into the TARDIS? They are my soul...the key to my locked chest. What would you do to save a life? Lie? Sacrifice? Name it..i've done it. You want to leave, you can..but don't think that changes the danger of how i live".

"Doctor, don't try to make me feel better with your little sob story. Right now I am too angry to really listen to anything flowery right now." Sitting up suddenly, Sonya locked her gaze on his face with a frown twisting her features. Searching his expression silently, she reached over and gripped one of his hands tightly and reached out with her mind to him, gently brushing up against his consciousness before pulling back and returning to her curled position on the bed again. "Doctor, you do realize I am older than you for one. By at least twenty years, I've been tested on, torn apart, tortured, turned into a monster, forced away from everything that I know and shoved into situations that no child should have to deal with, human or Time Lord. Then on top of all that, I didn't know who I was for years. I spent them wandering around that blasted planet."

Pausing slightly, she moved her eyes away from his face and down to the comforter on her bed, studying the deep, swirling blues and purples in it while she gathered her thoughts again before continuing with a deep breath. "All those memories that had been locked away from me, every single one of them were opened up when I re-bonded with my other half, things I shouldn't have ever tried to remember began appearing in my head. The faces of those I killed during the Time War, the memory of.. of liking their fear. I lived for that smell, for that cloud of terror that surrounded them when I drew near." A small shudder worked through her body as the memory she spoke of resurfaced again. "Then, then it was all gone, replaced by Rassilon chasing me through the trees next to the academy then banishing me to Earth in the other universe."

"Then, to make it even more confusing, I have memories of the same exact days where I did other things. My other half that had been banished to Earth in this universe living her life like any other Human that she thought she was." Turning her head to look at the Doctor again, Sonya wiped the dampness from her eyes in anger and narrowed them at him, trying to see his face through the blur of tears as she took a deep, shuddering breath to calm herself once more. "So you tell me, Doctor. Would you honestly trade everything that happened to you for what happened to me?"

The Doctor nodded, understanding her pain and anguish, especially in this tough time before a roaring hot pain shot through his chest. Gripping his breast pocket, The Doctor cringed his face as he frantically flipped out his psychic paper, "ah ah! Hot hot!!" he exclaimed. Letting the pamphlet plummet to the floor beneath him, The Doctor noticed the heat emitting from his device. The outside of it glowed red and appearing to be throbbing as waves of heat spiraled upward from it. "Blimey" The Doctor mumbled, taking out his sonic screwdriver to use it to open up the pamphlet and read the message burned in the paper. Raising an eyebrow, he glanced up at the still weeping Sonya, "You know anything important in Spain?" he asked her curiously before peering back down to the psychic paper, "Because i just got a message..sent through the gap of a closing fixed point, take's a lot of power to do that..well..that or a lot of wishing".

((Sorry it's small, trying to set up next step in RP))

((It's alright. I'm just trying to think of something that would help close this.))

Sonya blinked at the sudden change in subject and leaned around to take a peek at his paper curiously. "Not that I know of, a couple of wars, maybe a famous person or two, but nothing too important anyway." She mumbled, a hand reaching up to wipe away a few stray tears from her cheek as they appeared. "But I'm sure you'll think of something, some reason it would happen, you usually do anyway. Come on then, Spain it is." She added with false cheer, slipping from her bed and standing on numb legs, grimacing at the prickling feeling crawling up and down them as the blood began flowing again.

Without another look at the Doctor, she shook them out and strode out her bedroom, heading straight back towards the control room. She was still angry at him, that was a given, but when something like this happened, she learned to put aside anything like that to focus on the problem at hand. If it was important enough to cause that, then it was more important than her own petty problems. Running a hand over the edge of the console, she began working idly, only half-paying attention as she fiddled with the controls. Already knowing them by heart while she walked around in a slow circle, setting the TARDIS up for flight before the Doctor joined her.

"You're catching up" The Doctor said as he walked inot the control room, a smirk appearing onto his face upon witnessing her dash across the controls just like him, "If we can pinpoint the origin of the message through the TARDIS then she should be able to bring us exactly where it was sent from..well...within a few miles or so..well..maybe years..". Bolting up to the controls, The Doctor worked out what he was illustrating before stopping upon placing the psychic paper into a slot in the control console. Peering over to Sonya, his eyes lowered slightly, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry i didn't tell you sooner..i..i just feared what would happen if i did".

Just as The Doctor stopped, the TARDIS roared with life, lighting up as it located the origin of the message and shot off towards it with tremendous speed and velocity. "But on a different note..i can say...i don't know what the past may have held if i told you that. But i do know what the future will start with" He suddenly said, a grin forming onto his face, "Allons-y!" he proclaimed, yanking down the lever.

Feeling a smile curl her lips a little, Sonya shook her head slightly and looked away from him, turning her attention back to the Time Rotor in front of her with a weak laugh. "Your right, that's the only way anything we do start off, isn't it?" She glanced at him, then laughed brightly for the first time in hours, feeling her spirits rise again with the usual sense of excitement and adventure she had with each trip she took in the TARDIS with him. Her best friend, her home and the rest of the universe in front of her to explore with who knows how long left to live.

"Right then! Spain, any ideas what's gonna happen? Or are we just gonna jump right in and hope not to be tossed into prison because of some color we're wearing?" Raising an eyebrow at him, she prodded the sore subject of being thrown into a dirty cell overnight because of the blue shirt she wore on the last planet they visited, completely pushing aside what happened afterwards for now. There would be plenty of time to talk about it, they had all the time in the world after all.

((I will make another RP stemming off of this one for the big four (you, me, Kenny and Natty). It will take place in Spain and go on from there. ))

((Sounds good to me )