The Secrets Within

The boats were being lowered. Though it must not be moving fast enough for many of the woman and children on board, due to their yelling and their swearing towards a crew member. My mother clung to my arm, her nails jabbing into the sleeve of my dress coat. In all it's wondrous silk, I cannot find it in me to like it. Someone stroked my red curls and I turned to address whomever it was. My mother was using her free hand to slip her fingers through my hair. I pulled away quickly, nearly expecting to give myself wipe lash or something ironic for this moment. Her lips parted, though no confusion was visible on her face through the anger she portrayed. I was furious. I was outraged at her. During the whole of the walk from our cabins to the far side of the ship, mother had taken it upon herself to whisper into my ear about how pointless it was to help the people in third class.

"Let them be locked in their rooms." She said. "Lock the gates." She said. "Keep more room open for the respectable ones on those damned boats." She said.

Yet, after the words had slipped out of her mouth and were heading towards my ears, I couldn't comprehend her point. It was ridiculous. And she proceeded to say more, whisper more about the gutter rats and their intolerable, pointless existence. So I snapped. I turned on her as I pulled away, narrowing my hazel eyes as red hair fell into my face. It had fallen from it's bun long ago. "Will you shut up, mother?  Don't you see this ship is sinking? That people are jumping off the sides to save themselves? The water is freezing. Absolutely painful. Like... Like a thousand knives. Do you not understand that? Do you not realize that your... Your pathetic ridicules are overrated and down right unproductive? Get on a damn boat and... And shut up." I had never said so much to her in my life. And here I was, a first class passenger aboard the Titanic, telling my mother to shut up. And she had listened. Backing away into the crowd, her grip no longer there on my arms, she fell into the arms of a crew member, then was lifted onto a boat. Her life jacket was loose against her dress.

My hand fell over my mouth, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. More hands were latching onto my arms, the jacket being practically torn from my body. But I couldn't care. I was numbed, by the cold and by my seemingly heartless mother.

Now, I know how I react towards my mother is something much too inappropriate to put down in writing. But it was what set my mind. It was what dragged me away from the sweaty palms and frantic bodies and towards the stairs leading to the second class decks. I was running towards the water and not away from it, but I no longer cared. I kept pushing my legs, the small heels clicking against the ground. Until I stopped. Until the first hall ended and I was facing a gate. A gate with men smashing away against it on the other side, trying to fight their way towards freedom. A freedom that would never come. Water was leaking into their shoes, spilling out across the floor as another threat fell into view from behind. Bodies dropped, causing water to fly upward. People were dead from not what most expected. No drowning was involved. Just bright strips of light and holes in their chests.

Mal was just about to give a customer his change when a familiar man in leather came barging in. "No... no, no. No!" She began to back away though had just managed to corner herself. The Doctor closed in on her quickly and hoisted her up like she was a bag of potatoes. Now if you thought Mal would keep quiet and let this happen, you'd be wrong. She went kicking and screaming, cussing and flailing as she attempted to convince the mad man to release her. "I hate being manhandled! I swear to whatever god you may worship I will beat you if you don't put me down right now! Doctor!" He wasn't listening, and that only infuriated her more. She began to pound on his back when he ran, causing her head to bob as she flopped in an uncontrolled manner. Bugger!

As soon as she was set down in the TARDIS, Mal crossed her arms and stared defiantly at the Doctor. "Why me, huh? I have something called a job, you know. You can't just keep coming up and snatching me away. Seriously! Are you trying to get me fired? ANd look at you, picking up an innocent girl like that when you could have a companion who actually enjoys your company." The amount of aggression she was displaying seemed out of character. Sure, she was rude, but she wasn't hostile unless she was pushed over her limit. The Doctor hadn't really done anything to deserve becoming a target, yet here they both were.

With a annoyed huff, Mal leaned against the rail as he ranted about the Titanic. Wasn't the Titanic fixed? She was sure in one of the Doctor's history lessons he had mentioned this fact. So how could the amount of deaths have increased? And then they landed, the Doctor already shot out the door. Well, she didn't exactly fancy getting wet.

Pushing herself off the rail, she stalked out the doors and did her best to keep up with the Time Lord. She looked around and her anger was replaced with anxiety, "You planning on drowning me, Doc? Why'd you really drag me along, huh?"

There wasn't a thing I could think of to help these people. Whether it be to pick the lock, or race off to find a crew member with the actual keys, I would take much too long. They needed assistance much quicker than I could offer it. Curling one of my hands around the bar, I shook my head, my frustration bubbling up inside until I felt as if I was about to blow it out my ears. But I didn't. It slowly faded and twisted into concern and the most empty of all feelings I felt as if I had already drowned. As if I were seeing things without truly feeling them. Until the icy water broke my daze as it spilled into my shoes. I glanced down, then looked back up, my eyes wide as I scanned the crowd.

"I am so sorry," I was sounding just as helpless as my mother. Only I actually contained some emotion. Emotions that I suddenly didn't care for in the slightest. They weren't helping me sound less like my mother. She had emotions. Let it be greed, that was her choice to so self-absorbed. Believing to be above another was worse, wasn't it?

A third class man gripped onto the bar tightly, tears spilling down his face as he silently begged for his life. The water was up to his knees, and from his position on the stairs and mine on a flat surface, the water was just above my ankles. I rubbed my eyes and turned away from the man and the oncoming threat. I turned onto another random hall, this one being entirely empty. It must have already been evacuated. Though noise was leaking out of one single room. I took gentle steps towards it, pulling the door open as if I were expecting to barge in on something truly treacherous. "May I ask what in the world is going on in here? Did they not come to your room?" I asked, glancing at the tall, blue box behind the both of them before I started off down to hall again. Until stopping, spinning, and rushing back towards the way I had come. So I would pick the lock. I would do something to save them for a little while longer. Though it would have to be much quicker than before. The water had made it to the center of my shins.

"Unhand me, fiend!" Mal shouted as she was grabbed and pulled around against he will. All of this running was going to kill her. She didn't sign up for this. I fact, she was happy where she was. Oh yes her job was therapeutic and kept her mind off of the freak show that was her life. But now here they were again, being dragged into another event that put her life in danger. It was, to say the least, irritating.

"Stupid alien," Mal began, not at all paying attention to the red head they had come across. The Doctor was busy sonicing thing but that didn't stop her from talking his ear off, "You need to take me back. I refuse to do this travelling shenanigans, do you understand? I actually have responsibilities to attend to and even if I'm ot doing that, I'd rather put up my feet then run around beside you." The girl with them caught her attention when the Doctor pulled the two of them behind him. She had completely ignored the shouting of the people behind the gate. What was wrong with her?

The were stampeding past like a herd of panicked deer and Mal's eyes widened. Well, that was a site. This was the Titanic.. She reminded herself. On the day it sank. Oh crap, that had to be bad. She looked at the red-head and scratched the back of her head. "I'm, uh, I'm Mal. Sorry about-"

She couldn't finish what she was about to say. Instead, she pivoted on her heels away from them and threw up her stomach contents on the floor. Where in god's name did that come from? Well, the ship was rocking, right? No, actually it wasn't. Mal reached out blindly to brace herself against the wall as she wiped her mouth and raised her head to the ceiling, brows knitted in confusion. "Gross...."

If the girl hadn't thrown up in water, I would have been much more grateful. But water makes things spread. The crowd was still rushing up the steps, that way was entirely blocked. Instead of giving my name, I smiled gently and turned towards the stairs leading further down. Whatever threat had been there moments ago, it was gone now. But that didn't mean I couldn't find myself trying to go after it. There was nothing holding me back. My mother was on a life boat. I made a mad dash down the steps, turning left to just nearly miss colliding with a man. He looked up, his White Star Line uniform clinging to his skin as his damp hair fell into his face. "Miss Brown? You are not meant to be down here, the life boats will help you. You can-"

I pushed him to the side, looking over my shoulder to catch a last glimpse of the sick Mal and that Doctor man. "Well, to hell with you." The crew member muttered, rushing up the steps to chase after the rest of the crowd. But I wasn't even considering going back. The water was to my hips, and I realized all too soon that I was exhausted. It must have been past midnight. I also couldn't remember much of yesterday's events. The men did what they usually did; had a nice meal, then went off to drink brandy and smoke cigars, all the while talking about how their manly hood created a well taught society. I pressed a hand to the wall, then dragged it along as I walked. It was getting harder to pick my feet up as the water grew in height.

And it was just as cold as I told my mother it would be. I felt as if every nerve in my legs had been stabbed. After minutes of sloshing about, I felt as if my legs were on fire. I was becoming more of a threat to myself than the actual water. Even that mysterious light that killed several men. Men I had stepped over to get down onto a lower deck. Men I hadn't even noticed the second time round.

Well, that was a tad embarrassing. She gladly accepted the proffered handkerchief and used it, stuffing it in her back pocket since she highly doubted the Doctor would want it back. And when he commanded her to follow, she obeyed. No sense complaining now. Though the water was freezing. She trudged after the man, grunting with effort as the icy water bit at her waist and legs. Curse him and his long legs...

"I'm sorry.. what is it we're planning to do? B-because so far I'm only managin' to freeze my butt off. " Mal was completely oblivious to the markings, she barely paid any mind to the bodies floating in the water. Her mind completely blocked them out as if they weren't there at all. She couldn't think about them, she just couldn't. She was sure she'd just break down and cry and be a bother to the Doctor. Useless and a bother. But a vengeful thought drifted through her mind and stated he deserved it for just kidnapping her from the safety of her café.

It was impossible to withdraw my conscious mind from the matter at hand. I needed to be completely focused, whether or not my heart wanted me to be. The noise behind me was another factor in my jerking attention. I turned to look over my shoulder at Mal and the Doctor, whom were following close enough behind. "I would really appreciate it if you two were not to follow me about. It's rather rude." I stretched my other arm out, pressing my right palm to the other side of the hall's wall.

The water was so cold. My long, pale blue and pink dress was getting drenched. I felt as if several weights had been tied around my ankles. And with every move I made, the water splashed onto my chest and dotted my chin.

I turned into another corridor, nearly slipping as I reached for a door handle. I wasn't trying to open it, nor close it the fraction of an inch it needed, but I fell sideways into the room anyway. A man was sitting on the bed, staring at a pocket watch. "Mr. Andrews!" I cried out, stumbling out of the water back into the hall. He followed, though it seemed somewhat forced and idle. "Oh, dear, Kathryn, shouldn't you have been on a boat with your mother? I saw her climb aboard one only minutes ago." Thomas Andrews, the ship's builder and designer, said in his thick Irish accent. His slicked back black hair had pieces falling into his dark eyes. He looked tired and his eyes had lost the twinkle I had found lying in the brown just at dinner the night before. He grabbed my wrist, preparing himself to pull me along the hallway. I pulled away curtly, moving further into the hall and away from him.

Upon my refusal, Mr. Andrews nodded weakly, then turned and rushed towards the hall that led to the stairs back to the main decks. That left me with the Doctor and Mal. "This is absurd." I whispered, placing a hand on my forehead. Maybe I had imagined the other threat all together. In times like these, my mind was bound to work in unexpected ways.

Mal's teeth were chattering as she felt as if she was going to freeze to death. Without a care how this would seem, she moved closer to the Doctor and latched onto his torso. She would suck the heat right out of him since the icy water was lapping at her chest. Damn, she was gonna die of hypothermia at this rate. But she was too frozen to complain and, quite frankly, too tired. She hadn't a clue what was going on so decided to just follow like she normally did. As long as she wasn't the people who ended up dying here, what was there to worry about?

She knew she was probably in the Doctor's way. He was sonicing things and trying to figure things out while Mal was annoyingly latched to his waist. "F-f-f-first class?" She managed to spit out as her body shook. She wasn't too educated but she vaguely remember hearing about the hierarchy of this era. Based on how fancy her dress was she'd say she was correct. Then why was she running around helping people? Weren't these people proper and self centred? Well that was stereotypical. Mal didn't blame anyone for dibbing out before helping, she might have been one of the first to squeeze onto a boat.

"S-s-some people a-a-are j-just meant to s-stand out." She threw out there, still following the Doctor about at a closer proximity than she normally would have.

Ignoring the Doctor's last comments for the time being, I turned, pinching the center of the skirt of my dress to drag it up slightly. "Do not presume to tell me what I know should be expected from me. You don't know me." I glanced at Mal, whom was clinging strangely to the other man. It reminded me of that poor girl married to that very important man, John Jacob Astor the fourth. What was her name? Madeleine Astor? She was my age, though in very delicate condition. And had clearly been trying to hide it throughout dinner the night before. And it was quite the scandal.

"Yes, I am first class. And what in God's name do you mean by standing out? This ship is sinking, if you have not realized. Standing out hardly seems like vital information at this time." I turned away from them, starting down another set of stairs to yet another lower deck. It is not like I wanted to drown myself, nor did I want to die of hypothermia.

But a loud clanking was coming from below the waves. My interest, curiosity, and fear was pushing me down. The water nearly came to my chin once my foot was off the last step. "And I don't know what I am looking for. I saw something. It killed two men. I want a closer look and an explanation. Mr. Andrews couldn't possibly be of assistance with that. Nor could Captain Smith or anyone else aboard this damn ship." My lips were paling to a light blue and my already pale skin was becoming much whiter.

Mal scowled at Kathryn but kept quiet. She was too cold to really care about much besides the fact she could barely feel her lower half. It was better than having it in pain, she supposed. The numbness was actually welcomed. But if she got hypothermia a certain Doctor was going to throttle her. Or maybe even take out his frustrations on the poor, leather wearing abductor. It was because of him she was on the bloody titanic. While it was sinking no less.

"C-c-cold? N-no, actually, I-I-I'm very warm. Thanks." Her teeth were clattering almost violently as she spat the sarcastic words at him. But thinking twice she began to shake her head and said in a calmer tone, "I-I'm practically ice right here, man. I-if you caught me a-at a sooner time... I-I wouldn't be complaining as much. B-b-but I sort of have some th-things on my plate I-I can't just..... I can't just think about myself. That includes not dying here. Yeah, I'll admit I'm a chicken and always worry about dying but now it' very, very important I prevent that. I h-have... I actually have people I need to protect." She thought she wasn't making much sense since no one was really clued in to the last two months of her life. But her brain was mainly focused on how cold she was and didn't give a damn about explaining anything right now.

And it seemed they were going to walk deeper into this mess. Fantastic. The water was high, too high for her comfort. Hell, anything past her thigh is too high. The icy threat was lapping at her chin and she started to curse, not at all trying to cover it up by dampening her tone or anger. She was rightfully mad and, though it could be understandable, was not one of Mal's listed emotions. Sure, she became frustrated in alien situations but she never got angry. Angry enough to cuss aloud that was.

Their small talk was frustrating me on unimaginable levels. For one thing, Mal was complaining about the cold. She didn't have to follow me down here, did she? Neither did the Doctor, who seemed annoyed beyond words. I was nearly prepared to snap at the both of them as I did my mother. "Don't you understand? Both of you? The water is freezing, you must know that. You're in it." I glanced over my head, raising my eyebrows in a mocking manner, although I wasn't in the mood for this whatsoever. "There aren't enough boats. Not enough by half. Half the people on this ship are going to die. I've decided on my fate. You two can come back towards the boats. But they're only letting women and children aboard them." Though the water was up to my chin, splashing it's way onto the rest of my face, I managed to turn round again and look at the Doctor. "I'm sorry, sir." I whispered, not knowing if he had any family he possibly may never see again. Or if he had just said goodbye to a loved one.

I knew nothing about these two. They knew nothing about me. I was first class, a young girl with a dead father and a self-consumed mother. I was to be married a month after my arrival to New York to a man named Timothy Downing. I was seventeen. I hated where I came from. I've always seen my life as if I had already lived it. The same things, always the same routines.

Continuing down the corridor, I grabbed the pipes visible on the ceiling. This told me plain and simple we had entered third class. Titanic was going down quicker than Mr. Andrews had told me at least a half hour before. "You don't need to proceed with your followings. Both of you, it's simply a waste of time. Get to the boats. If I find anyone down here still alive, I'll send them up. I don't need the help of strangers."